Get Shorty

How disappointing. After all Woh has put us through 8212; the fears, the tears, the sheer terror. Children have been studying to become insomniacs because of Woh, children have developed highly retentive kidneys rather than memories because of Woh 8212; and at the end of show, we8217;re told that IT8217;s all that girl8217;s fault? Had the female of the species zipped around the matrimonial fire with him, he/IT wouldhave had children of his own ? to do whatever it is that he does with little children and clowns would still be funny men, instead of this monstrous midget. How very politically incorrect of the producers to exploit a man of small things thank-you Arundhati Roy.

Ek Mahal Ho Sapano Ka Sony, is the only nightly soap which is not re-running on the spot. It must be the only serial without a single conventionally good-looking person. Instead, there is an odd assortment of people with big backsides, bigger bellies, oily hair, cratered mouths and chapped mouths: Ajit Vachani8217;s lips could be sponsored by Vaseline petroleum jelly. The make-up is as thick as cake batter, the clothes tastelessly ugly, the characters so perfectly ordinary, you really feel for them.

But the serial is successful. Not quite8217; or very8217;, but Successful. Within its strait-jacket plot 8212; sprawling Guju business family, loving and giving and straining family relationships 8212; Ek Mahal8230; has achieved a credible portrait. Precisely forthe very qualities which appear to be its drawbacks: its ordinariness, its lack of glamourous stars, its small town approach to the big, bad world of modern urban India. Cinema is about larger than life characters with enlarged hearts; television should be about average people with irregular hearbeats. Strip Ek Mahal8230; of its gaudy colours and you have the drabness of daily existence. Or differently put: how many of us are Beautiful People, living Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous?

Dino Morrea used to watch Lifestyles 8230;and it8217;s his ambition to be a Beauty, he confided to Shekhar Suman Movers amp; Shakers, Sony who these days eats, drinks, sleeps with oops! only Beautiful People. Now five times a week, it8217;s Paise de do/ Shekhar Le No. He8217;s acquired a new set, a table and chair but he looks distinctly uncomfortable. Can Suman crack knuckles, sorry jokes which we8217;ll laugh at? Dunno. But even if you detest his Dev Anand puff, you simply have to, have to watch Suman8217;s imitation of the Prime Minister. Aswe8217;re wont to say, it8217;s too good ya.

Jokes. Unless they8217;re funny, nobody will titter. Self-evident? Not to sitcom producers and writers. Take Idhar Udhar DD1 and Baat Ban Jaye Zee. The first is distinguished by the presence of those delightfully comic sisters, Ratna P.Shah and Supriya P.Kapoor. The second has welcomed back those popular actresses, Niki Aneja and Rakhi Vijan. Both have everything going for them in particular an audience which is dying to giggle-gaggle for a long and healthy life. But what happens? The scripts are flatter than a 48-hour old soda. Each time a joke is uncorked, the fizz dies out. Wanted: laughing gas.

Bal Thackeray has played many exciting roles in his careeer, but the latest one beats everything yet. Last week he starred as a missionary! Singlehandedly, he has converted Shahryar Khan into a media darling. Consequently, the Pakistani diplomat has received more coverage than the Shiv Sena chief, the PM, the Home Minister put together. He8217;s been on every single newsbulletin, he8217;s being interviewed by anyone who can breathe the same air, suave and smooth as shaving cream, mouthing sweet nothings for the edification of the Indian public.

If Thackeray8217;s men hadn8217;t queered the pitch, we would have been spared Khan8217;s views. Instead, presented with the opportunity to project a sweet reasonableness, Khan creates the impression that he represents a sane society while the likes of Thackeray, Christian killers are converting India into a mad house.