‘Arey, aurat kyu sex ke baare mein baat kar rahi hai?’: Ahsaas Channa highlights the stigma around women’s sexual desires

She continued, “Male pleasure ko bohot zyada mahatwa diya jaata hai… ki ‘tu score kiya… arey tujhe sex kyu nahi mill raha hai’ (Male pleasure is given too much importance… like ‘you scored… why aren’t you getting sex?’). But if we say the same thing to a woman, then it’s frowned upon… ki arey, aurat kyu sex ke baare mein baat kar rahi hai? (Like, why is a woman talking about sex?)”

 

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This disparity in how male and female sexual behaviour is perceived reflects deeper societal biases that influence how women’s worth is often linked to their sexual history.

Why are there such stark double standards?

Gurleen Baruah, existential psychotherapist at That Culture Thing, says, “Much of it stems from deeply ingrained societal and cultural narratives. Historically, men were seen as protectors and providers, roles that associated them with dominance, autonomy, and control. Over time, this dominance extended to how their sexual behaviours were viewed.”

On the other hand, women were traditionally assigned the role of nurturers, with their worth tied to purity and chastity. Their sexuality was policed under the guise of protection, reinforcing the belief that women’s sexual autonomy needed to be controlled, often by men. 

Even today, she admits, these perceptions persist, reinforced by media, cultural conditioning, and outdated beliefs. “Men are often praised for their sexual experiences, which are seen as achievements, while women face judgment and derogatory labels for similar choices. There’s also a lingering notion, rooted in outdated evolutionary psychology, that men are naturally wired to seek variety. At the same time, women are biologically programmed for selectivity and nurturing—ideas that have little scientific grounding yet continue to shape societal attitudes.”

Baruah stresses, “The irony is that we no longer live in a world where these traditional roles hold relevance. Women are just as autonomous and capable as men and sexuality should be seen as a personal and equal experience.”

Creating a supportive environment where women can express their sexuality without fear starts with comprehensive sexual education that normalises conversations on consent, equality, and patriarchy from a young age. (Source: Freepik)

Role of s**t-shaming in perpetuating harmful gender norms around sexuality

S**t-shaming is a harmful practice rooted in traditional gender norms and patriarchal values, targeting women who openly discuss or express their sexuality. “By labelling them with derogatory terms like ‘s**t’ or ‘wh**e,’ society seeks to control their autonomy and confine them to outdated roles of submissiveness and restraint,” highlights Baruah. 

This judgment is perpetuated by both men and women, reflecting deep-seated fears about female sexual agency. The psychological toll is profound, Baruah says, often leading to lowered self-esteem, shame, and even behaviors driven by rebellion or a need for validation. Slut-shaming is not about morality; it is a tool of control that undermines women’s worth, autonomy, and equality.

Creating a healthier, more supportive environment where women feel comfortable expressing their sexual desires

Creating a supportive environment where women can express their sexuality without fear starts with comprehensive sexual education that normalises conversations on consent, equality, and patriarchy from a young age. 

Baruah says that addressing patriarchal systems that control women’s sexuality is essential, advocating for autonomy and equality in all spheres. Media, families, and institutions must model positive discussions and celebrate diverse experiences of desire.