A good dad’s guide to managing paternity leave

Parenting is one of those things that makes for an ideal case of equal partnership — it is the very core argument of the institution of marriage. So, here is a handy guide for dads on how best to use their immediate paternity leave to make this an equal responsibility.

What to do if you have only one week of leave:

Assuming, of course, that the pregnancy is going well and smooth, take the whole week off from the time you go into labour.

Set up the village for your child: It does take quite a few hands to raise the child, so get your people in place — a well chosen care-giver, full or part time who can come in and relieve the new mum for a few hours. The grandparents – They are likely to have fully handled babies more than two decades ago when the world was very different. Align with them that you both want their support and advice BUT they need to trust your ability to learn on this job and should leave the decision making to the parents.

New fathers need to spend time with their newborn (Photo: Getty/Thinkstock)

The dad is in a good position to bring this up with the parents respectfully and firmly.

· Learn the basics of child management: How to change a diaper, how to give the baby a bath, how to get bottles sterilized and ready, what temperature of milk is right to offer to the baby, how to get the baby to sleep. Do this at least a few times a week. Once the baby is a little more manageable, the mum will get back to her work as well and the responsibility of raising the baby, that includes physical chores, are to be managed by the both of you.

· Emotional Support: That life-long discussion about parenting choices you’re going to have, it starts now. It is baptism by fire. No matter how much you have both read up and prepared, all plans go out of the window once the first bullet is fired, or in this case, once the first cry is heard. The mum goes through immense physical, emotional and hormonal upheaval and a lot of self-doubt. It may seem to you that there is too much pressure over every little decision, but being there to say, ‘we will figure this out together’, is important.

What to do if you have six months of leave:

Well, I must congratulate you on the joy you will get out of bonding well with the baby! It need not be all six months at home though. Here is a great way to split the time across years:
First up, do the list above but over a month so that both parents are confident and comfortable with the whole set up.

Between the two parents, if you both choose for the mom to avail the full maternity leave, I’d suggest the dad actually takes only one month in the beginning and split the next eight weeks as one week of leave every quarter to spend with the bub. Watch them grow and be a part of the
milestones: the baby-proofing, the period of discovery as you see the world again through the baby’s eyes!

The last three months, I’d suggest taking a month off around the age of five-six years, when the child starts school. It is also the time that the child starts identifying with the father and wants his attention. It is a good time to get out and do school pick-ups and lots of play to get their energy spent and help manage tantrums.

The last two months would be great to spend on travel and exploration in the summer holidays before classes VIII and X. These are the first years that the child starts seeing a lot of stress related to both identity and school work/exams. Spending an extended period of time together can help relieve silences and initiate conversations, hopefully for all the tough times in life.

If working in the same company for many years to cash in this leave over a period of time sounds like a pipe dream, do it anyway. Take the full six months in the beginning, but also take time out at various milestones as above. You may not be able to take a month off, but plan for at least a week off with only yourself and the child.

There may always be a debate about one partner, typically the wife, taking on a lot more of the household and invisible chores for the family and we will find the balance that works, but in the case of parenting, there can be no debate that the responsibility is equal and that the dad’s role has to extend beyond providing financial stability alone.

Pooja Sardana is an entrepreneur, traveler, passionate supporter of gender equality and the mother of two children, a girl and a boy aged 11 years and 8 years respectively

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