‘When I started out, I was a nobody…’: Kalki Koechlin reveals how being sidelined during her marriage with Anurag Kashyap affected her

She recalled how the tables were turned when she was married to Kashyap, when she was not very well-known in the industry. She mentioned, “I wonder how I would be in the similar position, which I think I was in my first marriage. When I started out, I was a nobody and Anurag was so big and I was kind of on the sidelines. And it’s not easy being that when you have all this attention on someone.”

Koechlin added, “It can be difficult. I think I was also so much younger then and I found it difficult and I was always wanting to run away with him, to go to places which were inaccessible. But I think now I’ve just accepted it as a part of life.”

This scenario is common in relationships where one person may achieve greater recognition or financial success. The shift in power dynamics can lead to feelings of resentment, insecurity, and emotional distance.

Maintaining a sense of balance and equality

Gurleen Baruah, occupational psychologist and executive coach at That Culture Thing, tells indianexpress.com, “When one partner becomes significantly more successful than the other, maintaining a sense of balance and equality requires understanding that success is fluid and ever-changing. Just because one person is thriving in their career now doesn’t mean they always will be, and it’s essential to remember that success can look different for each person.”

She highlights that it’s crucial to ground the relationship not in achievements but in the reasons why you are together — love, respect, and admiration for the person beyond their external accomplishments. 

Baruah suggests, “Focus on what originally drew you to one another. You didn’t choose your partner for their success but for who they are. Reflect on this and remind yourself that the relationship’s core is built on mutual respect, shared values, and genuine connection – not titles, pay grades, or social recognition.”

Spend quality time together that doesn’t involve work talk. (Source: Freepik)

Baruah adds that open communication is vital. “Differences in success can bring up insecurities, jealousy, or fears of inadequacy, but these need to be shared and understood within the relationship.

“Remember the grounding role that a partner plays. Often, with success comes people who may say ‘yes’ to everything — agreeing with you out of convenience or admiration for your success,” reminds Baruah. 

However, these relationships can be shallow and lack the depth that a true partnership brings. A partner’s value lies in their ability to give reality checks, see you for who you are beyond your achievements, and remind you of what’s real and meaningful. Cherish this grounding influence, as it keeps the relationship balanced and anchored.

Strategies couples can use to prevent emotional distance or resentment

To prevent career achievements from causing emotional distance or resentment, Baruah recommends that couples can use a few key strategies:

Prioritise Emotional Connection: Spend quality time together that doesn’t involve work talk. Regular date nights, hobbies, or simple catch-ups can help maintain closeness and remind you of the bond beyond career achievements.

Have Regular Check-Ins on Feelings: Make time to discuss how you’re feeling about the balance between work and relationship. Openly sharing concerns and emotions prevents misunderstandings and helps maintain emotional closeness.

Celebrate Each Partner’s Contributions: Both partners bring different strengths to the relationship, whether it’s career achievements, emotional support, or managing the home. Valuing these contributions equally helps maintain balance and respect.

Create Shared Goals and a Team Mentality: See your relationship as a partnership working toward shared goals. When one person succeeds at work, consider it a win for both of you and a step towards your common dreams.

Set Boundaries Between Work and Personal Time: Establish clear boundaries so work doesn’t take over all your time together. For example, make “no work talk” zones during certain times or days, ensuring entire presence in your relationship.

Be Flexible with Roles and Responsibilities: Be willing to adapt roles at home as career demands change. If one partner’s job is more intense for a while, the other can take on more responsibilities, knowing that these roles can shift later.