Managing teen anger

Not only are teen bodies developing through adolescence, but their thoughts and desires are evolving too. A frequent source of friction for teens is wanting to be independent but still having to answer to parents

How to Handle Teenage Anger (Source: Pexels)

The teen years can be a struggle for both teenagers and their parents. Kids at this age are notoriously moody. But many parents wonder: Is it normal for a teenager to always be angry? Not only are teen bodies developing through adolescence, but their thoughts and desires are evolving too. A frequent source of friction for teens is wanting to be independent but still having to answer to parents

What are unhealthy ways of dealing with anger?

Angry behaviour may be externalised, which means you express it out loud or at others. Or it may be internalised, which means you take it out on yourself.

Some examples of unhealthy externalised angry behaviours include:

Shouting or swearing
Losing control
Breaking or throwing things
Emotionally or physically hurting others
Being rude to others or getting into fights
Trying to make others angry on purpose
Some examples of unhealthy internalised angry behaviours include:
Not dealing with your anger and blaming yourself
Stopping yourself from getting the things you need, like food or sleep
Stopping yourself from doing things you enjoy, like seeing friends
Drinking alcohol or taking drugs
Self-harming

How to Handle Teenage Anger

Having a teen who gets angry easily can make you feel like you have to tiptoe around issues to avoid conflict—but that’s not a healthy way of relating to one another.

Story continues below this ad

1. Show Empathy

One of the most important things you can do is “validate the valid,” Try to understand where your teen’s anger is coming from. Find something you can empathize with during your conversations. For example: “I would be frustrated too if I had to miss going out with my friends.”

2. Be Consistent with Consequences

Consistency is key when it comes to boundaries with your teen. Set reasonable limits and be sure your teen is clear about what’s expected ahead of time. For instance, give your teen a curfew and an explanation of what’ll happen if your child comes home late. “Consistency really helps your child know and be clear about limits, boundaries, and expectations.” It’s difficult for teens if those things constantly change.”

Examples of inconsistency include:

Taking a teen’s phone away for not cleaning their room but letting them get away with that behaviour without repercussions the next time.
Grounding your teen for a week, but letting them go out to a party two days later.

3. Take Timeouts

Practice pausing conversations when they become heated. This shows your teen that it’s all right to step away and take a break when emotions run high—before you regret what you say or the consequences that you throw down. You can say, “I’m feeling myself getting angry. I need to go into the bathroom for 15 minutes and calm down. Then let’s come back and see if we can discuss this.” That gives you both some breathing room and time to think more clearly.

4. Discuss Hot Topics at Calm Times

Certain topics can be fire-starters. Those commonly include discussing significant others, phones, and social media. Don’t tackle the big stuff in the heat of the moment after something has happened. You can say, “let’s talk about this one day after school when we’ve had a chance to think about it. We can sit down and talk about how to move forward.” Ideally, bring those topics up when you’re both calm and set limits before an incident occurs.

Story continues below this ad

5. Teach How to Process Anger

Knowing appropriate ways to cool off when you’re mad is a crucial skill. Share with your teen what works for you and let them see you doing it. “It’s not about shutting down your teen’s anger but helping them know the right emotional expression for it. “How can they process that? Do you go for a run? Do you furiously write in your journal? What are things you can do to allow for emotional expression without unleashing it in unhealthy ways?”

6. Look Beneath the Surface

Anger is often a secondary emotion. That means that underneath the anger, there’s usually sadness, guilt, or shame. Teens with depression often don’t seem sad they are more likely to come across as irritable, self-critical, and angry. Consider what might be at the root of your teen’s anger. Are there other emotions at play? And, can you talk to your teen about it to better understand what’s really going on?

7. Encourage Self-care

One step your teen can take to reduce negative emotions is to invest in their physical well-being. The following healthy lifestyle choices can boost mood:

Exercising regularly
Sleeping eight to ten hours a night
Eating a nutritious diet
Engaging in hobbies

8. Seek Support

Dealing with an angry teen can be exhausting and frustrating. It’s important to connect with others who can encourage you through a season of difficulty. Reach out to somebody, whether a mental health professional or other parents who can relate to your present situation.