Golden rules to help your tween manage screen time

Screens are used as “rewards” for getting ready quickly, eating vegetables, finishing schoolwork, etc. What starts as a five- to 10-minute encouraging activity is tough to turn off. The thrilling nature of gadgets releases dopamine, a neurotransmitter that makes people associate screens with pleasure. It creates a want-to-have-more feel and naturally the need to spend more time with the device. There are several other factors that contribute to staying glued to our screens, but that’s for a later article.

While children are on devices, it is usually a solitary and sedentary activity, where they are not interacting with “real” friends and family, learning or enjoying the outdoors. It could contribute to obesity, shorter concentration spans, isolation and sleep problems. While some parents resort to drastic measures such as cutting off the internet or removing all devices at home, here are some ways to balance your child’s screentime by remembering 3 Ms – Manage, Model and Meaningful.

Manage: Creating boundaries

Boundaries offer clear guidelines for you and the young ones, leaving minimal room for ambiguity and misuse. Sit with your child and list out screentime boundaries. These include:

When – Decide on the time and when gadgets can be used. For instance, after finishing lunch/dinner; when studies are complete and tasks for the next day are planned; Sunday mornings etc. You can also add when it will not be allowed, maybe in the mornings before leaving for school, perhaps.

It would be best if you also decided on the total duration of screen time for weekdays and weekends. This should be adhered to under all circumstances by everyone in the house.

Where – Decide the places your child can use gadgets and where they cannot. For instance, they can watch in the family/TV room and bedroom in the day. Locations where they are not allowed could include dining room, bathroom, bedroom at night and restaurants.

What – Define what they should be allowed to do with a device. It’s essential to keep track of what they are watching and doing on their devices. Look into the games they are playing – is it too violent? Look at the content they are
watching and reading – is it age-appropriate? If they are on social media, talk about online etiquette and safety, and have an open line of communication with them.

Once you have set these boundaries, you need to be consistent daily and follow through with what has been agreed upon on. This will reduce friction and outbursts between you and your child.

Model: Balanced Screen Behaviour

Your child is observing you and learning, so review your own gadget use. As a parent, you influence your child immensely and can help them balance their real-life activities and screen time by doing it yourself. If you are glued to your phone or tablet, you are modelling a behaviour opposite to what you want in your child. Remember, your child will respect the guidelines if they see you, as a parent, following similar boundaries. It’s worth mentioning that children in such situations also feel ignored by their parents.

Create a “screen-free” zone at home. This could be during meal times when you eat together or setting aside 30-60 minutes for family time, to read, exercise, play board games or just lounge together, where all your devices are left outside, including yours. This is a fantastic way to connect and develop family bonds.

Meaningful: Putting a positive spin on screen time

With the world’s information at your fingertips, the device is a powerful source of knowledge and information. Encourage your child to watch programmes about nature, science, history, etc. Help your tween choose channels and shows appropriate for their age and development.

Do things together online – DIY videos are great fun for parents and children, watch something interesting together and discuss it afterwards. Or join in on their video games.

Manage their routine where they have fun things to do and look forward to in the day. It’s imperative to strike a good balance, including time for playing, co-curricular activities, hobbies and adequate sleep. This is extremely crucial for your child’s holistic development and good health. It will allow your young tween to meet and socialise with new peer groups and develop unique skills. Dedicate time and encourage them to sing, dance, paint, write, play a sport, etc.

Digital devices are an essential tool in today’s world, and current technology trends are making it highly addictive. The key is not to eliminate it but to embrace it with healthy boundaries consistently for yourself and those at home.

When screen time displaces constructive activities and interactions, it increases the potential for missing out on essential life skills which involve teamwork, critical thinking, socialising and emotional regulation. The individual may have frequent outbursts, will be irritable and aggressive. So, watch out for these, especially after time spent on the screen.

Shubhika Singh is a senior consultant psychologist specialising in young adults and co-founder of Innerkraft.com, based in Kolkata.

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