Opinion As weird as they come

This week,Meryl Streep won a third Oscar,last week Saif Ali Khan won summons to the police station for a public brawl. Then we heard how Noida police revealed the name of a young girl,allegedly raped by five men. Later,on The Buck Stops Here (NDTV 24×7),Sultana Firoze reminded us how she had been allegedly raped by five men during the Godhra riots a decade ago. Nothing seems to have changed.

The Supreme Court faulted Delhi police and Baba Ramdev for the Ramlila eviction fiasco in June. While English news TV hotly debated the verdict,Ramdev calmly extolled the virtues of herbal pheneol (to cleanse the system?),showed off his cows and his dental clinic which looked exactly like any other dental clinic but for his portrait hanging on the wall instead of dentist’s certificates. He also claimed pranayam can prevent tooth cavities (Aastha TV). Is that weird or not?

Tune into BBC Entertainment for prime time entertainment and you get The Monkey-Eating Eagle of Venezuela at 9 pm. Mothers have problems getting their offspring to eat dinner without an eagle picking at a monkey during meal time.

In Paul Merton in India (Fox Traveller),Merton was in Punjab batting blindfolded. Thereafter,he accompanied Somya,a eunuch on a professional visit. “I have never met a EUNUCH before” (the capitals emphasise his wonder). He found travelling with the eunuchs in a three-wheeler “the most uncomfortable” thing ever. “India,” he intoned,“just got weirder.” Somya & Co. proceeded to bully a shop assistant for money which made Merton feel he is “in the company of criminals.” When told that eunuchs are social outcasts and this was their way to survive,Merton replied: “If you haven’t got it,flaunt it.” Merton is a popular British writer,actor and comedian: ha,ha,this was really funny,right?

Watching people chewing paan,he observed that paan is a mouth cleanser (oh,so he won’t be needing the services of Baba Ramdev’s dentists?). Weird for Indians to listen to such comments,that too on a show that is three years old. Why?

Why would anyone watch Ring Ka King (Colors)? Last week,the Sheikhs’ treasure chests glistened with sweaty muscles as they faced the Bollywood Boys plus female wrestler,Mickie James. One Sheikh offered her his cheek,she promptly smacked it. In the ensuing free-for-all,they hurled themselves at each other like UFOs. We know it’s all a set up,so why do they bother?

After our film awards shows,the Oscars (Star Movies) was insipid. No song and dance,just music,(Hi,there! A.R. Rahman!),and one amazing circus-like dance. The Red Carpet was awfully long and took forever to reach the ceremony inside. As each female star faced the mike,the conversation went something like this: “We have here the magnificent Gwyneth Paltrow. Gwyneth,you look magnificent. I am paid to ask you,who are you wearing?” “Tom Ford,” she replied as if wearing a man is the most natural thing in the world to her —while you were itching to ask: but wouldn’t it be more fun to drape Ryan Gosling around you? Host Billy Crystal’s opening kiss with George Clooney was better than anything he mouthed the rest of the evening. Meryl Streep was luxuriant,the “spectacular Christopher Plummer” was spectacular at 80-something — and everything went according to plan until Angelina Jolie’s naked right leg shook up the proceedings with a sharp thrust out of her slit Atelier Versace dress. Like Viola Davis’s green dress with no strings attached,it had seemingly developed a will of its own.