Monkey Business

Let’s get back to the monkey business. Scientists say that chimps are 97.6 per cent similar to us,which sounds like a Class XII topper’s exam result. Other monkeys score almost as much,so maybe we did come from them. Actually,I don’t think so. I think they came from us.

Have you ever stood near the monkeys’ cages at the zoo? They always attract crowds — usually hordes of young men and kids. And what are they doing? Pulling faces,hooting,shrieking,offering cigarettes,jumping up and down,jeering,just like the way the monkeys do. So who’s trying to evolve into whom,here?

In the wild,most monkeys get along just fine,zipping and swinging across treetops without needing petrol or CNG,some are vegetarian (and wastrels — another habit we’ve picked up from them),others hunt,and most are organised in clans which do get involved in border skirmishes. They have their politics,but without the mass violence that we practice,and they are not in the least embarrassed by public displays of affection — which,again puts them ahead. (Some advanced societies have evolved to do this too.) But they can live in the world without destroying it. So who is the superior species here?

Deep in our hearts we know the answer — but remain in a state of denial. But now,I have begun recognising this: The young men outside the cages try their best to emulate their heroes inside the cages,like a budding batsman would try to emulate a Tendulkar cover drive. No effort is spared. And they’re delighted when the monkeys approve and rattle the bars and blow raspberries. But now,hold your breath,there’s a new development and there’s even more hope.

The one thing we really envy about monkeys is the lithe and easy way they leap from tree to tree or rooftop to rooftop,or scuttle up walls,or swing from vines and cable wires. Gibbons are awesome in the trees,and even on the ground,a charging hysterical chimp reaches a hellish speed. We,by comparison,plod along and fall out of trees. But now there’s a saviour and it’s called parkour.

Bands of young men and women have started actively imitating the simians’ method of locomotion. They jump across terraces,leap off skyscrapers,hurtle over cars,drop off cliff faces,hurdle everywhere at breakneck speeds. And they’re getting better and better at it: those monkeys better watch out; there’s some serious competition brewing here. It’s just a matter of time,before some bright spark filmmaker shoots a prize-winning documentary juxtaposing shots of monkeys leaping across rooftops and youngsters doing the same thing. And you’re not going to be able to tell who is who.

Ah then,young man and young lady,well done — turn around for a moment. What’s that peeking out sweeties? A tail? Bravo,you’ve done it!

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Ranjit Lal is an author,environmentalist and bird watcher. In this column,he reflects on the eccentricities and absurdities of nature