Wanted: Men in tights

We rummaged through our musty, old comics collection and came up with some obscure but 100 per cent genuine characters that are very likely available and, even likelier, pretty cheap.

Mr. Terrific DC Comics, 1942

Here was a guy who had everything. But somehow he was bored by it all and lost his will to live8212;until he met a girl who made him leap with excitement well, to be more precise, she was a suicide jumper and he dived off a bridge to save her. He dubbed himself 8220;Mr. Terrific8221;, got a green-and-red outfit with the incongruous motto, 8220;Fair Play8221;.

The star: Jump up, Mr. Cruise, you8217;re already Tom Terrific in our book.

Black Canary DC Comics, 1947

Her hair changes from blond to brunette. She wears black fishnets and high-heeled boots. She likes motorcycles and volatile boyfriends. Her superpower: By simply opening her mouth she can unleash a shrill noise that wrecks everything in sight.

The star: It, like, so has to be Lindsay Lohan.

Matter-Eater Lad DC Comics, 1963

His power is he can eat anything. We8217;re not making this up. It8217;s a power that everyone on his planet shares. And the name of that planet? That would be Bismoll. Honest.

The star: Somebody text Jack Black8217;s agent right now.

Brain Boy Dell Comics, 1962

That Brain Boy was smart. How? His intelligence led him to skip the traditional stretchy pants and cape; he just wears khakis while matching wits with his arch enemy, oily South American dictator Ricorta.

The star: Frankie Muniz as Brain Boy, Ricardo Montalban as the evil cough-drop guy.

The Watcher Marvel Comics, 1963

In a mysterious citadel on the moon, there8217;s a creepy, solitary alien with a massive skull and a fondness for togas. His every waking moment is devoted to over-analysing and second-guessing mankind.

The star: Larry King.
The selling point: CNN cross-promotion.

Captain Marvel M.F. Enterprises, 1966

This is the other Captain Marvel. This hero was an alien android who yelled 8220;Split!8221;8212;at which point his body parts would shoot off in different directions. His hands would fly one way, his feet another and his head launched toward the ceiling like a champagne cork
The star: We8217;re thinking Mel Gibson.

Dazzler Marvel Comics, 1980

Marvel Comics and Casablanca Records hatched this idea of a flamboyant disco singer who was also a mutant superhero. Bo Derek was their visual template, but Dazzler always reminded us of Michelle Pfeiffer in Scarface. Later, Marvel took the character in other directions but, to us, Dazzler will always be the girl who spends a suspicious amount of time in the bathroom stalls of Studio 54. The star: Maybe Gwen Stefani 8212; she already has the wardrobe.

Geoff Boucher