Simply Madhuri?

ONE does everything to make you smile, the other sails on the boat of her lips. Last week, they descended upon television, the first from a ...

ONE does everything to make you smile, the other sails on the boat of her lips. Last week, they descended upon television, the first from a helicopter, the other off the big screen. A number of other new shows accompanied them onto the box. It must be the silly season, otherwise who in his or her sane mind would willingly share an opening night with Simply Shekhar and Madhuri the Magnificent?

Shekhar Suman, returns as the stand-up comic anchor. He whirrs into sight, then shrugs out of a limousine with adoring women surrounding his aura. For E-shtyle. Then he purses his mouth and the jokes begin. He is assured, accomplished. Javed Jafferi alone gives him a close shave and he8217;s still a whisker away. Watch him host Zee8217;s new lottery game show Karvan Kismet Ka in a preposterous tunic, and miss the great mimic in him.

Currently, he is passe. Currently, it8217;s Simply Shekhar Zee. In his mouth, everyone is juicy: the President, Prime Minister, Leader of the Opposition, Pakistan8217;s President, TV8217;s saas-bahus, Saurav Ganguly,8230; He even sang a song on Osama bin Laden. Yes, Suman made you smile.

However8230; His repertoire must increase. The Vajpayee and Laloo Yadav imitations are inimitable but all too frequent. Also, he might avoid tasteless personal remarks. There was an unworthy jibe at the former Vice President does not bear repeating and puerile Rabri Devi jokes Shekhar 8216;Laloo8217; Suman: Goal kisko kehte hain? Goal tumko kehte hain. Tum shakal se football lagti ho.

Why doesn8217;t he tackle someone bigger than himself? Bal Thackeray, perchance? When the Shiva Sena chief walked in, Suman asked God to bless him, 8216;8216;main ishwar se prathna karta hoon8230;8217;8217;, to keep him healthy and he bent to touch his knees.

Suddenly Suman was strangely tongue-shy as Thackeray shot from the triangle of his nose: the NDA government, Pakistan, Musalmaan, Laloo, Rabri, Sonia8230; it was all tiresomely predictable I am a fascist8230; I have a remote control8230; we import perfumes and now a Prime Minister8230; Muslims must accept the Constitution of the country8230;.

In appreciation, Suman clapped, threw back his head in barks of laughter. It really wasn8217;t that funny. Not once did he even gently poke Balasaheb in the ribs, challenge him. Instead, the celebrated caustic wit bends everything for this gentleman whose opinions can be offensive, communal and yes, fascist. Shame on Shekhar.

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Madhuri Dixit, dressed as if she had come straight from the sets of Devdas, managed to fix a match in her first appearance on Kahin Na Kahin Koi Hai Sony. It took her four days but she did it. Or rather young Meenakshi and Vinod did it.

They were frank to the extent they could be on television, up close and personal and refreshingly genuine. So were the other two prospective bridegrooms: Chetan and Rajesh. After a momentary coyness when asked questions like 8216;8216;So how did you like Meenakshi?8217;8217;, the men reacted honestly. For example, Rajesh clearly realized that 8216;8216;our priorities are different8217;8217;.

With sumptuous Madhuri Dixit, by her side, any woman should simply retire: mousy Meenakshi shown up by divine Dixit? Nothing of the kind. Meenakshi was unfazed by Mrs Nene. She was strong, determined and admitted that being seated next to the men on the jhoola was a tight, uncomfortable squeeze, that she was very confused and that she liked both Vinod and Chetan!

Dixit. Those well-disposed towards her will say she was a gracious match-maker, playful and charming though decked like a jewellery shop; the ill-disposed will complain she was artificial, simpering and decked like a jewellery shop. The strictly impartial will feel she looked like a bride but diplayed considerable talent as an anchor.

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As for the show: it8217;s fairly dignified affair with a stiff collar. Is it regressive? Yes, if we believe arranged marriages are regressive. Does it invade a very private affair? Yes, if we think arranged marriages can be private; no, because all the participants are willing participants. Does it trivialise the solemnity of holy marriage? To the extent that television must entertain and, therefore, reduces the entire process to four-22 minute episodes.

A few unsolicited suggestions:

n Stop that jhoola, we want to get off. The 8216;couple8217; is uncomfortable and the viewer vertiginous.

n Drop the game maybe: 8216;8216;Good sports8217;8217; Meenakshi and Vinod played table tennis with a shuttle cock. Childish.

n Dress down Madhuri once we8217;ve got used to her new role.

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n The presentation of jewellery to the girl was crude. Leave it to her family and his.

n A visit to the girl8217;s and boys8217; homes would be interesting.

n Interviews with friends, colleagues, siblings might flesh out the 8216;characters8217;.

1983: Beyond the Boundary BBC ended with India8217;s cricket World Cup win. The 10-part series has featured some of India8217;s best and worst field displays. Your heart still beats when Kapil caught Richards, when the lovely young Tendulkar bowled the last over in the Hero Cup and we lost to the West Indies chasing a paltry 100 runs. However, the series left you dissatisfied: half an hour is 30 minutes too short and the numerous recollections may have been used as voice-overs instead. Which would you rather do? Watch Tendulkar bowl that entire last Hero Cup over or listen to Tony Cozier?