Reporting live: The inside story

Of course one channel had the audacity to claim that the man would not die but nobody watched that channel because everyone realised that’s hardly a story.

I’m telling you all this because we our doubling our rates. Now you can avail of our special discount, but conditions apply.

From media head, Ransom Advertising, to head, Fiction TV

My creative chief tells me that we could have earned more money if you had told us about the dead man’s story in advance. We would have got all the insurance companies to back it up. It appears your channel also had a man who was born again. Insurance companies are not happy to support such content. Please make sure you not only watch the eyeballs but also the advertiser.

From head, Fiction TV, to media head, Ransom Advertising

We have innovative advertising now. You may recall our reality show where we showed a husband looking for his wife. His wife had left him. ‘‘Kiran, where are you?’’ we asked. It is another thing that a rival channel kidnapped the wife. That programme had the maximum number of viewers, more than Dhanraj Ka Yamraj — you know, the one which had Yamraj asking the man to go back to life since his time was not up.

I agree we need to tip you off about human interest stories concerning death. We have already taken strong action and dismissed our brand manager for not tipping you off. He has resigned, leaving a suicide note behind. Although we see a story there because we can’t trace him, I think that story will really kill us. I mention this only to assure you how much our content chaps are on the ball about news in Fiction TV. Our channel head is one of Bollywood’s greatest story tellers.

From media head, Ransom
Advertising, to head, Fiction TV

Our survey indicates people want more news about death, murder and rape. In the past one week, your channel has shown only 25 crime stories concerning rapes, arson, murder, dacoity and loot. One channel showed Govinda with Dawood, but if you can get Dawood live we can assure you will have advertising for one year.

From head, Fiction TV, to media head, Ransom Advertising

We are trying for that, six reporters have so far lost their lives looking for Dawood. Some of them have actually joined the underworld — one of them is now running a TV channel. Be assured we will do anything to get him.

Meanwhile, we have got sports rights for covering cricket. For cricket coverage, we have special rates for replays of Sachin Tendulkar hitting a six.

From media head, Ransom
Advertising, to head, Fiction TV

Our survey shows that people are losing interest in cricket. Everyone got used to India losing. Viewers quite liked the idea of Ganguly being paraded as a villain of Indian cricket and Sachin as a devil. Now that India is winning again, viewers are bored and switching of their TVs. Can anything be done about this?