Look how they shine

Star News was Breaking News and Aaj Tak had a News Flush, sorry Flash — W.I.’ s first wicket had fallen. Could Silver Star Shelly be wrong? All news channels ran running comments and scores from Jamaica. Then, added, Pakistan was up in arms. With rare foresight, President Musharraf had sacked the chief justice, sparking off public protests that turned violent by Saturday morning, well in time for Pakistan’s loss. Silver Star Shelly was right, after all.

Awoke to the hurley-burly of Parliament (fooled you!) on Lok Sabha Channel with infighting within the UPA team. Bleak House, bleaker news… Aaj Tak urgently summoned the numerologist or tarot card reader. “Ketu is in the third phase, which adds up for Yuvraj,” said the Mathematical Genius, “Sehwag will play a match-winning knock!” Yes, for Bangladesh.

Bad weather ahead, said the vane on NDTV 24×7, Wednesday, after rain and hailstorms. Uh-oh. News channels immediately egged us on with Aamir Khan’s birthday and replays of his Lagaan victory. Except. We were not playing our former colonial rulers but our colonial cousins — Bangladesh.

What could the news channels do? Analyse every star (in the firmament and field), and come to the same conclusion: “Ooh, aaah, India”.

Wednesday night the sky cleared. CNN-IBN’s correspondent strolled along the seashore (why do cricket correspondents look like they never exercised anything other than their tongues?) and expressed the general on air optimism: “This is a squad on the up, willing to face anything… looking to play some quality cricket… on the national cricket channel, CNN-IBN” (?).

Star News was equally patriotic: For two months it had Mohinder Amarnath, Saba Karim, Sandeep Patil play national selectors and till Friday night Patil was rearranging the pack — but no one in Port of Spain was listening.

Perhaps they were enraptured by the Pakistani Sufi singer Rahat Fateh Ali Khan’s serenade on Aaj Tak: “Tujhe dekh, dekh kar… jiya dhadak, dhadak jaaye…” sang he to Tendulkar (the only ‘dhadak’ we heard was ball hitting T’s bat on its way to the Bangladesh wicketkeeper).

As the sun shone on New Zealand against England, news channels had Indian fans mad for India’s first match: “Crazy kiya re,” Sahara Samay gurgled. Then, India TV featured a little girl with two hips and two pairs of legs, people killed in Nandigram, and by Naxals… Uh-oh. Bring on the tarot cards for India win…

A warm, beautiful Saturday. “Jeeto India Jeeto”, urged NDTV India (its clock said 6.55 hours to go for the first ball). Ex-cricketers said we would win and then, the fans: With India hair cut on their skulls, India flags on their faces, dances, songs, poojas, prayers, polls, placards, Pooja Bedi — “Don’t let us down” — and, Priya Paul — who?

Star had eunuchs dance for India, a 58-foot bat bat for India, and every religion pray to God, Bhagwan and Khuda. Sahara National ate the Indian team at a Moradabad restaurant — Tendulkar paratha — crunch, munch.

Yes, things were looking up — Aaj Tak’s sms poll: 97 per cent say India would win. By 7 pm Charu Sharma on Extraaa Innings was confident: “(this is) a relatively easy match” for India… let the game begin.

Sunday morning. India TV. Praveen Bhai. In his palm a (glass) ball. “Dravid, Dravid” he mantras, “will play well. Ganguly in great form, could score a century.” Robin Ultapalta? “Very good…”

All day and night TV news raged against our team; everyone who had championed India, and Sehwag, (including the channels) suddenly dismissed them. Then Woolmer died, Inzamam retired and there was our next match to carpet cover. But first consult the stars even if they let you down…