Honour among thieves

Who would have thought that the best advice Indian politicians have been given in the longest while would come from none other than the Badshah of Bollywood himself.

Who would have thought that the best advice Indian politicians have been given in the longest while would come from none other than the Badshah of Bollywood himself. Shah Rukh Khan was at NDTV8217;s Indian of the Year award ceremony in Delhi last Thursday, and despite the presence of the prime minister, ministers galore, Rahul and Priyanka Gandhi, and Rajnikant rarely seen off celluloid, Shah Rukh was the shiniest star at this glittering celebration of Indian heroes. At some point, when our Hero Number 1 was on stage to receive yet another award, Rahul Gandhi was persuaded to ask him a question from the audience.

The man who would like to be our future prime minister smiled shyly in that sweet, self-effacing way of his before asking Shah Rukh what advice he would like to give politicians. Shah Rukh, modest as only the really famous can be, said he was only an actor and in no position to give politicians advice, but since he had been asked to, he would like to suggest that politicians try to be less corrupt. 8216;Please be as honest as is realistically possible. Don8217;t take money under the table, don8217;t do anything shady8230; and do something for the country.8217;

Great advice, but unrealistic. Corruption in Indian public life is now endemic like smallpox, cholera and polio once used to be. And it is a disease for which modern medicine will never have a cure. So we have to learn to live with it. We have to learn to accept the speed with which newly elected representatives of the people acquire an exalted standard of living. The speed with which they are elevated to a lifestyle that only the richest Indians can afford8230; expensive cars, expensive holidays abroad, expensive jewels for the wife, and expensive schools for the bachcha log. Most Indians, whether in town, village or city, accept that our politicians are incurable in their venality.

They despair of this and I cannot count the number of times I have heard ordinary, apolitical Indians say, 8216;Sab saaley chor hain8217;. They are all thieves. But there is no reason to despair. This column offers a solution. Let us teach our politicians to make money out of doing good for the country instead of doing bad. I am being serious.

The idea is not my own. It originated from a friend who likes to mull over the state of the country. Weary of major infrastructure projects being delayed because someone or the other had been insufficiently bribed, he said he was going to pay someone like McKinsey 038; Company to do a report on how to teach Indian politicians to make money out of doing good for the country.

8216;You see,8217; said he, 8216;during those decades of socialism our politicians perfected the art of making money out of obstructing things from happening. Files would not move unless palms were greased, permissions to build something would remain in suspended animation until everyone was satisfied with their cut. What they did not learn was how to make money out of speeding up the process. A report by McKinsey into new ways for Indian politicians to make money would, I think, offer valuable advice.8217;

By way of example, let us take the power sector.

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We need nearly 100,000 more megawatts of power in the next five years just to keep India going. One of the reasons for this power shortage is the amount of bribes that have to be paid before a power facility comes into being. What about doubling the rates for those politicians who make things happen double quick? When this is done, we can apply the same formula to roads, schools, hospitals and all the other things we need. Who would mind if a politician who did really good work bought himself a Porsche and the wife a Cartier necklace? Nobody.

On my travels, I have often passed through constituencies where development has really happened, and even if the MP is corrupt, people forgive him his little peccadilloes. 8216;Kaam to kiya hai,8217; they say.

Other than infrastructure, the two areas worst affected by corruption are public education and healthcare. Government schools are so bad that children are lucky to come out of them with functional literacy, and government healthcare is so bad that more than 80 per cent of our poorest citizens resort to private clinics and quacks. Sickness is one of the main causes of indebtedness in rural India.

So what about teaching our ministers of education and health to build us the best facilities they can think of, and give them the incentive that the better the school or hospital, the more money there is to be made? What do you think? What other ways can you think of to turn endemic corruption in public life to our advantage? Shah Rukh Khan8217;s advice was excellent but alas not realistically possible.