Going it alone

A FRIEND is feeling shattered right now because the person she loves most in the world is emotionally unresponsive. 8216;8216;Why does so-...

A FRIEND is feeling shattered right now because the person she loves most in the world is emotionally unresponsive. 8216;8216;Why does so-and-so hold back, when I have so much to give? What barriers of Ego and Self block an equally open flow of affection? Why does he play these blow-hot/blow-cold games with me?8217;8217; she asks in anguish. Really, unrequited love seems the worst fate to befall any human heart, male or female. Remember the comedian, Benny Hill, whose vulgar! show was a Doordarshan staple in the pre-colour TV days? In a long-ago interview he said, 8216;8216;Loving someone is horrible. There8217;s a tight band of pain in your chest and you can8217;t sleep at night.8217;8217; In language as powerful and simple, Mithi the barberwoman in the ballad of Heer-Ranjha says, 8216;8216;Love is a bitter poison. The very coils of the word 8216;ishq8217; are like a snake and not the wisest person can claim to understand its secrets.8217;8217; Every epoch, in every land, seems to have fretted itself to exhaustion over this irrational, important frenzy that afflicts us as a race. As another friend puts it, 8216;8216;Cupid never seems to send his arrows out in pairs. X loves Y who loves Z and so it goes on everlastingly.8217;8217;

There8217;s no dearth of free advice around on how to deal with it. But here8217;s one magic goli that I always applaud: make pain our friend! I know, it sounds so boringly pragmatic, so rudely sensible. Where8217;s the poetry, the passion, the djinn in the bottle, the withered rose, the storm of dishevelment, of lying languidly on a divan crying over pulp fiction, or brooding on a rock, while the unfeeling sun sinks into the tormenting purple haze of evening? But pain works brilliantly as a creative spur to our souls, if we use the edge it gives us, in practical ways: writing a nice e-mail, cooking or organising a good meal, straightening out a messy shelf or cupboard, putting our papers in order, working harder at work which is our mother and father, overhauling our wardrobe or catching up on the reading, music, acquiring a new skill that we8217;ve been promising ourselves but postponing. It means using the energy produced by our unhappiness into doing something interesting with our life opportunities.

Even if, through God8217;s grace, we8217;ve dodged the fates so far, it8217;s worth our while to invest in such emotional insurance against pain. Chances are it may be needed, to turn 8216;diversion8217; to 8216;sublimation8217;. It8217;s a small word for a big enterprise: when we, through the alchemy of our own will and effort, turn a bad feeling into one that8217;s useful to us. We can then look God in the eye and say, 8216;8216;So this is Your lila, is it? Now see how I play Your game!8217;8217;