Marriage often brings a sense of security, companionship, and shared goals, but it can also make it easy to slip into comfort zones that dampen personal growth. Actor Amrita Singh's reflections on her marriage to Saif Ali Khan highlight this dynamic. In an old interview with television host Pooja Bedi, she shared, “I became lazy and complacent after marriage. Someone told me that women have this great urge to nest and I started looking like a fat ostrich in a nest. I was just happy and living in my la la land.” Her words are a reminder of how marriage can sometimes lead us to become complacent, overlooking personal growth in favour of comfort. For Singh, insecurities crept in as she adapted to life as a "star wife" with the added challenge of dealing with her husband's high-profile career. She noted that “being a star wife, the insecurities are unhealthy. They can damage your mind.” While she didn’t let these feelings linger for too long, Singh admits they impacted her mindset, shedding light on how a seemingly ‘perfect’ relationship can mask underlying personal stagnation. So, how do we recognise when we’re too comfortable in a relationship? How can we navigate the balance between growing individually and together? Signs someone might be becoming too complacent in their relationship and how to avoid Malika Chandra, a psychotherapist, tells indianexpress.com, “Signs of complacency in a relationship include a reduced interest in the little things that were once appreciated, putting in less effort into appearance, or taking one’s partner for granted by being less attentive to their needs, stories, or personal interests. Complacent partners might also become overly critical or use taunts disguised as jokes, as these can reflect unresolved issues that haven’t been addressed openly.” To avoid complacency, she suggests making a conscious effort to communicate and share what’s going on beneath the surface. “Couples therapy can provide a safe space for those tough conversations while setting aside quality time together can help rekindle the connection. Stay curious about your partner’s life and interests, and be sure to maintain your hobbies and independence,” says Chandra. Addressing insecurities within a relationship, mainly when they stem from their partner’s success or social lifestyle Chandra recommends being open about insecurities. To address insecurities about a partner’s success or social lifestyle, she informs that both partners need to "empathise and have open conversations" that allow for adjustments, reassurance, and boundary setting. “Sometimes, the root cause of these insecurities may be more internal, related to one’s self-esteem or past experiences. It’s important to self-reflect and identify whether the insecurities stem from personal feelings rather than the partner’s actions,” she states. Strategies for maintaining personal growth and identity while nurturing a long-term relationship Chandra remarks that maintaining personal growth and identity within a relationship involves establishing a sense of independence alongside your partnership. To achieve this, she says, “Keep up with friendships that matter to you, pursue hobbies and interests that are uniquely yours, and ensure that you have something in your life that motivates you outside of the relationship.” Balance is key; be aware of any tendencies to project personal frustrations onto your partner. If you feel bored with your own life, this can sometimes translate into feelings of dissatisfaction with your partner. Therefore, staying true to your identity and personal ambitions while making space for your partner’s individuality helps to sustain a healthy relationship dynamic, concludes Chandra.
