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This is an archive article published on November 3, 2013

The Homecoming

Not relations created by blood or marriage,but those defined by the ability to love unconditionally,define a ‘home’

I’m going home this Diwali. For a long time it upset me whenever someone spoke about going home during the holidays. That is because a part of me always believed that I lost my home when I lost my parents.

I have never lived in a country or a city for more than five years and so my ‘home’ moved with me wherever I went. But I longed for a house where I would have a family to go back to.

I believed that one’s ‘home’ will always be where one’s best memories are — of your father carrying you from the car into the house despite knowing well you’re not really asleep. Or of your mother cooking for you even if you’ve failed an exam. I believed that ‘home’ is where one is missed and welcomed despite one’s flaws. Over time,however,I learned from my experiences that ‘home’ is not necessarily a house with family members,nor should ‘family’ be defined by ties made by blood or marriage. These cannot be predefined by such parameters because,after all,there is a possibility that one doesn’t feel altogether connected with one’s parents or spouse. I realised that the connection one feels with someone matters more. As opposed to staying together when bound by religion,culture,gender,marriage or blood ties,being together because you can love someone unconditionally is what truly makes a home. Finding a home is not the real problem in such a case,the capability to recognise whether you have found one or not,is. When my husband,Gorky Max,says that I am his closest friend,I feel loved. When my friend Karan Singh Grover calls me despite his hatred for phones,I feel I have a family. When they are ready to forgive my mistakes,I feel free. When they are ready to accept me with my flaws,I feel blessed.

So ‘home’ is no longer what I just go back to but what I carry all the time. And when I carry these wonderful feelings with me wherever I go,in whatever I do,I know I have my ‘home’,right there,with me. So this Diwali I have decided to cherish these feelings,and go home. Happy Diwali.

Gul Khan is one of the three directors in 4 Lions Films and producer of television shows such as Iss Pyar Ko Kya Naam Doon and Qubool Hai

mumbai.newsline@expressindia.com

GUL KHAN

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