Opinion A Dream

But here’s the thing: the host suddenly comes to me and asks,sir,what do you think? When I recall the dream I can never remember the talk-show topic. But I remember this: After the host asks the question,I say nothing. Nothing. Scary,huh? A news TV host asks you a question,you answer even if you are the PM. But I don’t. For a while,anyway.

The host looks quizzical,there’s a murmur in the studio. The host repeats the question,sir,what are your views? I say,nervously and apologetically,er,uh,um. Yes,yes,the host says encouragingly. I have no views,I say. In my dream,when I say this,I think,that’s it; I am out of the picture now. But that’s not what happens.

The host says,with considerable interest,sir,you have no views? Is that what you are saying? I reconfirm,haanji,I have no views. The host looks,no,not disgusted,but delighted. Going to the floor of the studio,and addressing the panel,the host says,now here’s something our politicians have to think about: how do you address a citizen with no views? What have we done for that minority section of our society that has no views? Other members of the audience are looking at me enviously. The audience members to my right and left,I can tell,are awfully angry. The India-is-a-soft-state citizen hisses,go to Pakistan and try and have “no views”. The India-isn’t-a-democracy citizen whispers,you must be from IB (Intelligence Bureau).

But the action is on the floor and panellists are addressing me. The Congress leader tells me,sir,my party has always been with the minorities,and let me remind you that on several issues our party has appeared to have no views. And,he adds,on some issues our leaders have publicly had so many views,that it is as good as having no views. There’s applause,but before that dies down,the BJP leader has begun speaking. Our party has no truck with pseudo-no view-ism,he says. But,he adds while pointing at me,that gentleman is a true nationalist. Please explain,the host asks. He (me,that is),says the BJP leader,is just like our former PM. He doesn’t say anything for a long time and when he says something it appears he still hasn’t said anything. There’s applause.

The CPM leader has been silent,but with a smile on his face. As the applause dies down,he gives me a withering glance and says,he has no views because he’s a consumer,not a citizen. He buys luxury cars,luxury villas,invests in IPL teams…. I want to say I don’t have money for any of these,but in my dream I am unable to speak.

The host — thank God — says we are running out of time and ends the show by thanking me for introducing a new level in national discourse.

But that’s not when my dream ends. I dream that as I come out of the TV studio,my phone is constantly ringing. All other news channels want me. But I have no views,I tell them. That’s what we want,they say. Come to our prime-time talk show,and tell our viewers you have no views; people want that desperately. The head of a big PR firm calls me and tells me they can make me a news TV star.

Then a headhunter calls me. I represent a group of investors who are setting up a news channel,would you like to be the editor-in-chief? Me,I ask? But I have no views. Ha,ha,exactly,the headhunter says. We’re going to call the channel No Views TV,NVTV,and you will be our face. Think,he says seductively,editor-in-chief,NVTV,which says nothing on anything.

I don’t know why,but that’s when I wake up.

saubhik.chakrabarti@expressindia.com