Down in Junglel and the Nonsoon of Delhi

Eyebrows shot up and sharp glances were cast at the glass in my hand. What? But its almost over!

Over? How can it be over if it hasnt even started?

Remember that day in July? When that bus was nearly drowned under the Minto Road Bridge? That was the monsoon!

But it rained for barely 10 minutes! (And it had paralysed the city.)

Even now I dont get it. A fortnight ago,in the middle of a sweltering day,it suddenly got dark. Lightning crackled and speared down explosively and thunder shook the city like a bass drummer on LSD. The wind picked up trees threw up their branches and keeled over everywhere. The lights flickered and the cable TV went out; the phone line made funny clicking noises,like tendons in terminal trouble. And then it poured for a day-and-a-half,dirtying everyones cars and the clothes hanging out to dry. And it disappeared.

Every year,its the same story. A 10-minute shower brings the city to a gurgling halt. Roads turn into raging white water torrents,open manholes gulp down children,traffic backs up beyond the borders,people look fearfully out of their windows as if the sky is falling,and no one reports to work. Cant you see its raining, they bleat plaintively,how can we come?

From where Id come from,it was a little different. You could see the monsoon approach over the sea,a gunmetal grey phalanx of clouds stretching unbroken across the horizon,preceded by a silvery curtain of arrows. When it was upon you,it made you gasp,drenching you through and through in seconds. Only,it really didnt because you were ready too buttoned up to the eyeballs and hooded in your raincoat,legs encased in knee-high gumboots,umbrella at the ready,off to work as usual. Yes,the roads and railway lines did go under but only after a four-day downpour,not a four-minute sprinkle.

Here,I suppose,being so close to the seat of power,the rain has taken a leaf out of what happens in Parliament: a lot of noise,followed by very little real action. Or like what a professor once wrote in my political science paper: Many big words,little substance! Missing the point entirely.

Actually,the monsoon in Delhi behaves a lot like the government. For days,well be told its making great progress,sweeping speedily across huge swathes of the country and should be with us bang on time. And then what happens? Just outside the borders of Delhi,talks break down. It stops. A sullen dirty brown dust haze hangs low for days. And you wonder: has the Ministry of Meteorology not cleared its papers or is it unwilling to give it a visa on arrival? Or is someone in Dubai laying bets on its date of arrival? Fixing it even.

But yes,like it or not,Delhi is monsoon-challenged and doesnt do those 24X7 heavy-duty downpours that make a monsoon,a proper monsoon. Not its fault,of course,but maybe it would be better to stop pretending that it did and simply call it the nonsoon. *

Ranjit Lal is an author,environmentalist and bird watcher. In this new column,he will reflect on the eccentricities and absurdities of nature .