Campaign carouselHave you noticed how good the opinion pollwallahs have become in pronouncing the winners of these elections even before we have voted? All this may make for great television viewing but it renders the rest of us pretty redundant, if you ask me. I mean, if they don't need our votes to decide the outcome, why do we have to take all the trouble to visit booths and press buttons on election day? One may as well sit back and let the opinion polls settle the matter once and for all. In any case, I have always gone along with the general belief that no matter what voters say, what voters do, or who voters support, the government always manages to get in. And governments, generally speaking, are bad news.Yet, despite my innate cynicism, I have to acknowledge that there have been moments in this season of election campaigning that were truly memorable and it is only fair that they are recognised and celebrated. Here is my personal list.VIDESHI OF THE CAMPAIGN: Sushma Swaraj, atotal and complete videshi in Bellary, for having reinvented herself as a Kannada nadu magalu, complete with jasmine garlands and idli-sambar breakfasts. With great gusto she hugged little old Dalit women while clad in resplendent, 100 percent swadeshi Mysore silks.SWADESHI OF THE CAMPAIGN: Sonia Gandhi, bahu-patni-ma extraordinaire, who has been spouting the most regressive sentiments from podiums all over the country. Her speeches, replete with words like dharti and vidhwa, sometimes make her election meetings appear like scenes from religious mythologicals of the Jai Santoshi Maa kind.SARTORIAL STATEMENT OF THE CAMPAIGN: Now this was a tough one to decide on. One had to consider the assortment of turbans and Banjaran headgear that candidates bravely donned for their cause. Yet few would dispute that the set of extra, extra large kurtas Seshan specially ordered to beard L.K. Advani in his den, teamed with a tiny, tri-colouredschoolboy cap, was a clear winner.FATHER OF THE CAMPAIGN: Atal Behari Vajapayee, the projected Bhishmapita of Indian politics, whose chief electoral appeal lies in the notoriously short memory of the voter. The legendary pauses that pepper his election speeches have now become so long that his partymen have got into the nasty habit of putting their foot into his mouth.MOTHER OF THE CAMPAIGN: The award should rightly go to George Fernandes' mother (bless her), whose main contribution - going by her son's observations on motherhood in general - was to have given birth to George Fernandes.FONDEST FATHER OF THE CAMPAIGN: Punjab's chief minister, Parkash Singh Badal, wins this award hands down. With admirable paternal pride, he requisitioned all the government vehicles at his command so that son Sukhbir Singh could campaign in style in Faridkot.CHILDREN OF THE CAMPAIGN: The little Gandhis of all shapes and sizes who tumbled out of helicopters and on to the electoral stagelike so many happy puppies.THE MOST ENIGMATIC ABSENCE OF THE CAMPAIGN: Jayalalitha's famed no-show at Villupuram, even as Sonia Gandhi waited to address a joint rally with her.THE MOST ENIGMATIC EXCUSE OF THE CAMPAIGN: AIADMK's explanation for Jayalalitha's absence: ``Madam was swamped by an ocean of supporters en route''.THE MOST ENIGMATIC GIFT OF THE CAMPAIGN: The bouquet of roses and a shawl that Puratchi Thalaivi sent her Delhi ally through an emissary at Chennai airport.THE BEST BALANCING ACT OF THE CAMPAIGN: Chandrababu Naidu perched on his father-in-law's bicycle in Andhra Pradesh.THE GUTTER SNIPE OF THE CAMPAIGN: Rajesh Khanna's observations on Vajpayee's family proved the adage that he who slings mud usually loses ground.THE BEST SALESPITCH OF THE CAMPAIGN: Pramod Mahajan must be recognised for his brilliant foreign affairs insights as his thought-provoking references to Monica Lewinsky and Elizabeth Taylor revealed. Through a judiciousblend of slurs and televised press conferences, he conducted a great electoral campaign - for the Congress party.
