On Planet Bihar

He was roundly thrashed. Still nursing his wounds at the airport, he met a journalist.

‘‘Why are politicians angry with the voters here?’’ the alien asked.

‘‘Because voters think politicians are corrupt, involved in scams and only interested in power,’’ explained the journalist. ‘‘There have been scams on fodder, highway roads, transfers and flood relief.’’

‘‘Where are you actually from?’’ the journalist asked.

‘‘To tell you the truth, I come from a foreign land. My High Command sends you greetings.’’

‘‘The High Command has sent you, then you should meet the Governor,’’ concluded the journalist.

Buta Singh received the alien at the entrance to Raj Bhawan. ‘‘Welcome High Command’s emissary. The Opposition is angry because whatever decision I take, they accuse me of being a Congress stooge. I have served under great leaders like Indira Gandhi. She called me all kinds of names but she never called me a stooge. Is the High Command happy with this decision?’’

‘‘The High Command sends greetings,’’ replied the alien, happy that the supreme leader of the aliens was a revered figure.

‘‘I hope Madam is happy,’’ enquired Buta Singh.

‘‘What Madam? I don’t know any Madam,’’ screamed the alien. ‘‘You sound like some poor loser.’’

‘‘Oh you want to meet a poor loser?’’

Before the alien could reply, he was marched to George Fernandes.

‘‘So Madam has sent you,’’ said the former defence minister. ‘‘Tell her that Bihar will come to a grinding halt. In the next Bihar elections, the foreigner issue will be a major one…I hate all foreigners like Madam.’’

‘‘No, not again,’’ yelled the alien. ‘‘Who is this Madam? Besides I’m not a foreigner, I’m just an alien,’’ he said, running away from there.

‘‘Don’t you have people here who reflect the ethos of this city?’’ the alien asked the journalist.

‘‘I have just the right man for you,’’ said the scribe, taking him to Laloo Prasad Yadav.

‘‘I’ve come from a foreign land,’’ explained the alien, ‘‘we have been trying to establish contacts with earthlings. Since I’ve come, I have been garlanded, beaten up and spoken to in a language that doesn’t make any sense…Is this the way you treat visitors?’’

‘‘I’m sorry,’’ apologised Laloo. ‘‘If you are a foreigner, we should welcome you. We have a roaring kidnapping industry. We want foreign direct investment, but the majority stake would be with locals. What do you think?’’

‘‘Life forms found on earth,’’ said a message from the alien to his superiors. ‘‘People still live inspite of kidnappings, scams and ultimate chaos. How is this possible?’’

‘‘This only means the worst,’’ said the supreme leader. ‘‘This only means the unthinkable for atheists like us — God exists!’’

‘‘How come?’’ asked the alien.

‘‘Planets that live under total chaos like Patna can only ruled by the will of God,’’ was the reply.