No hand on your head?

The commercial world celebrated Father8217;s Day on June 16, following Mother8217;s Day on May 12. What is it like for those who are left ...

The commercial world celebrated Father8217;s Day on June 16, following Mother8217;s Day on May 12. What is it like for those who are left out of such fetes because they don8217;t have a mother or father, or come from a dysfunctional family? In fact there are very special greeting cards to such people from parentless people in the past, or those who felt alone and abandoned. For instance, Adi Shankara says with serene assurance, Matacha Parvati Devi, Pita devo Maheshwaraha my Mother is Parvati, my Father, Shiva. Gajendra, the king of elephants, whose leg is caught in a crocodile8217;s jaws, trumpets in agony to Maha Vishnu: Apatbandhava! Anatharakshaka! O Deliverer from danger! O Protector of orphans!. And sure enough, the Lord sends his Sudarshan Chakra spinning down to save his devotee. Or take Surdas, whose own parents disowned him because he was blind. He hands his orphaned heart to Krishna in verses like, Sur kahe Shyam suno, sharan hai tihare/Ab ki ber paar karo, Nand ke dulaare/Jeevan to ab haare Sur says, listen, Shyam! You are my only refuge. Get me through this, Nanda8217;s dear one, my life fails me. Isn8217;t it heartbreaking, how poor Sur tries to guilt-trip God by deliberately calling Him Nand ke dulaare?

Every faith enshrines similar sentiments, but there8217;s another aspect that often escapes notice. The parent-deprived are usually very successful. Studying the life of Sufi after Sufi, I find that a great number of them lost a parent in early childhood, usually the father. This left them very vulnerable and receptive to a 8216;thunderbolt8217;, a life-changing experience of profound impact that might seem ordinary to others but gave them the marg darshan of self-realisation.

Or let8217;s look at motherless daughters. Again, we find that many of them emerge as winners. Something funny happens to the spine of the motherless. Though crushed at first by emotional fragility, it usually straightens up and they are often able to stand tall through the worst crises. There8217;s a huge list of such inspiring instances from around the world and one of my favourites is Sandra Day O8217;Connor, the first woman to become a Justice of the Supreme Court in the USA. The point here is not that she attained such visible success but that she stayed out of jail, didn8217;t do drugs and she pays her taxes! For love does come from the world, if we meet it halfway. Friends share their mothers, who become beloved 8216;Aunties8217;. Friends themselves, of either gender, are as tenderly protective as if they were your mother! Loving kindness comes from servants and colleagues, from people far worse off than us on the street. No need then to feel left out of the world8217;s little jollities, even the commercially motivated ones. God has filled our world with hidden solace and if we look around, we8217;ll find them.