Independence blues

The times, they are a-changing, that's for sure. As we edge past the fiftieth year of independence and get over all manner of celebration...

The times, they are a-changing, that8217;s for sure. As we edge past the fiftieth year of independence and get over all manner of celebrations and journeys down memory lane, I begin to wonder whether 8220;independence8221; in people8217;s minds has not eroded human relationships. Everyone has suddenly become so pushing, bright and ambitious 8212; and when you add to that combination a deadly streak of independence, something has got to give in the warmth and spontaneity of our relationship.

So much so that if you even so much as like somebody for a perfectly valid reason, or so you think, and extend a hand of friendship, chances are that your motives will be questioned, and you may well be asked: 8220;What is the point?8221;

My daughter is bright, ambitious, and wants to lead the good life. Every time I tell her to prepare for a career with the government, she says there is no point and it is not worth the effort. She wants to study abroad and, if she has her way, wants to settle abroad too, never mind the fact that she is myonly one and I dote on her.

On the person-to-person front, see what happened to a colleague recently. Warm and demonstrative by temperament, he made the mistake of trying to befriend somebody he thought very highly of. He was struck by her poise and serenity, and by her writing skills. He got hold of her telephone number and called up three or four times, just to compliment her on the last publication. No more was said or hinted at, because no more was meant. His calls, which were few and far between, were well received. She knew who was calling, but since my friend made no other move to seek her out, she let it all remain.

Till one day, he made the mistake of writing a middle on her and, worse, telling her about it. She read the piece, was probably moved by it, and 8220;wrote8221; out her response on a piece of paper and handed it over to him in person the same evening. What she wrote made my friend both happy and worried. Happy, because she said something nice about friendship. Worried, because he is amarried man and did not want to send wrong, dishonest signals across.

So, the very next day, he rang her up and told her, for the very first time, all about himself, including the fact that he was married. Immediately he was told that she did not believe in 8220;that kind of morality8221;, that she was 8220;a deeply religious person8221; and, before he could say what ho, the phone was slammed.

Since that day, this colleague of mine has just not been the same old chap. What he finds particularly galling is that his intentions have been so overwhelmingly misconstrued, and that too by a person he had thought so highly of. I tell him not to get worked up, that we shall never probably know in this lifetime what exactly made the lady react in the manner that she did.

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But it8217;s extremely sad, you know, how human reactions shake your faith in mankind. Sometimes I wonder whether, after having completed one8217;s tenure with the government, it might not just be best to retire to an ashram, far, far away from this maddingcrowed.

Think about it, for I know my friend is. And he, too, has a daughter who wants to live abroad, where the good life probably is, and where, hopefully, a normal human sentiment like wanting to be friends will not set the social register ablaze.

As I said, the times, they are a-changing.