Getting Ambedkar for free

I am feeling sexy here today. All because of a two-by-three-inch pouch that says: Buy Two, Get One Free!' Whodunit, Mac? Who is the great ...

I am feeling sexy here today. All because of a two-by-three-inch pouch that says: Buy Two, Get One Free!8217; Whodunit, Mac? Who is the great advertising brain who dreamt this fairytale up? Just imagine the pleasure ride this slogan promises: Full-bodied, flesh-flush apsaras Not one: Buy two, get one free; the sweetest of wines; ambrosia; rock-steep, verdant valleys where the cool rain stings the upturned face or would you prefer the Mediterranean?; three principals for your lordship8217;s sadistic pleasures rap them with a thousand-bristled cane; three Julios down by the school-yard8230; What a waste. A slogan that tugs at the very being is used to sell a viscous, dandruff-removing paste. It should have gone to the highest bidder. To some loathsome, idly rich person who could then have atoned famously for his sins by offering us the bargain. Best of all, it should have been given to God, the lazy first mover who always remains unmoved. And God, being Good for how else could it be?, would have asked all His chirping sons: 8220;Now, what is it going to be for you?8221; Of course, all who were truly mortal 8212; that is, those who were decadent and capitalistic 8212; would choose the primrose path to hell. Which is indeed the way for a logical man or woman to opt, since one can either suffer here and taste pleasure or maybe sniff at the ennui-laden air in heaven or taste pleasure here and suffer there. Here and now should be, in all cases as in this one, the watchwords.

Besides, there is no better way to beat existential angst Which I have always felt is a big phrase for saying that the weather is hot and one is feeling uncomfortable under the collar or itchy under the mass of clothes that civilisation forces upon one. Who suffers most from it? Finance ministers. They feel the pinch, they live the pinch and they distribute the pinch. So this God-given choice should first be offered to them.

None of them, being prudent men of business, would do something as drastic as buying two loan waivers. The national economy would go bust. The same logic would rule out asking for bail-out money or props for an imperial theme.

The only way out would be to go between the horns of the dilemma: ask for a boon that one can afford and that can yet bolster the economy. That would be two of the greatest businessmen in the history of the world with enough capital in their pockets to make for free enterprise.

Personally, I would ask for two cricket teams from the astral sphere and for a one-day lease of the cosmic pitch. One of these, I would request, should be made up of the devas and the other of the asuras. I would set them against each other. Krishna would be my umpire, God my chief guest and the galaxies my spectators. I would have Indra as the devas8216; fastest fast bowler, Ganesh as the wicketkeeper, Muni Narayan in the slips and Hanuman as the opener. One six on Indra8217;s delivery would for all time, for all generations, for all forms of life 8212; tigers, mice, ants, whales, toads, snakes and men 8212; remove the soul-corrupting disease of angst. What sweet revenge it would be, my countrymen. Do unto them as they have done unto you.

Then the third team 8212; the one I would have got for free 8212; would be left. They would be yoked. I would have them do my bidding. Make them learn slavish brutality and experience the sheep8217;s unanswered bleating.

Yet, these are dangerous times. One does not know whose toes one is stepping upon; whose varnished pretence one is unmasking. Who is the earthly, unmerciful god? Thus insecure, I would bargain once more with God. I would be no Nachiketa before him, request not Godhead. Instead, I would demand one secular God, one communal God and get Ambedkar for free.