Face off

Hey, we aren’t talking lineage! What was he doing till he happened to MTV, or vice-versa?
"I was selling mosquito mats and coconut oil and not doing myself a favour in the long run. (So he got out of the mad ad world and crashed straight into MTV’s colour-coordinated office at Film Centre). "Coming from the ad industry, the kind of freedom I’ve now got is great."

q But what’s his claim to fame?
"I’m certainly not teaching rocket science here." (OK, we at least know the one thing MTV’s Creative Director doesn’t do.) What he has to his credit, instead, is the unique distinction of fathering a 70-year-old man! (Yes, the same geriatric `lift-man’ who claims MTV stands for `MahaThirdClass Viewing’ from hoardings all around the city.) "We’ve created a person called MTV, to give it a definite identity. And this old man takes every single aspect of the channel and tears it apart. So, among other things, he calls our VJs, PJs." (Well, that’s not totally far-fetched either.)

Alright, who is this great scholar — with a serious opinion on everything under the sun?
"Actually he’s a big mouth in a small space, a tiny claustrophobic lift. Put differently, he’s a lunatic — an exaggerated icon for authority and, in that sense, a man on a mission. He’s panned all our shows — he calls Made in India `Mad in India’ and MTV Housefull `Blousefull’, and wonders why Club MTV is called a club at all, since it has no building, and doesn’t serve any soft drinks either."

Yes, but why does he shout at no one in general and the entire universe in particular?
(Because he’s the new `Angry Old Man’ move over Mr B.) "He’s the latest in my series of icons after the `Maalishwala’and the `Roopa baniyan’ series. He has his own idiosyncracies and a definite way of speaking he’s sarcastic and anything that’s nice is sure to be killed in the very next phrase that drops out of his mouth."

Yes, but what’s the idea behind such destructive propaganda?
(It’s apparently called the `Bonding via Alienation’ route and an extension of the channel’s `Indianise, Humanise and Humourise’ policy.) "He’s my Mr Angry. And he’s agitated because he doesn’t like the channel, which is because he doesn’t understand it. You see, he’s 70 years old. He cannot comprehend the ways of the modern world — he doesn’t understand remote controls and washing machines. I think I’ll go over with Malaika and teach him a few things." (That sure sounds good!)

But what’s his specific problem with MTV?
"You see, secretly he likes the channel. Because the most obvious form of love is hate. Only, he doesn’t know it." (Neither did we!)

And where did Cyrus find this nameless wonder?
(Somewhereon the streets of this great city.) "I chose him for his mouth." (Hey, let’s keep obscenity out of this.) "No, no, I mean his peculiar teeth and the effect they create when he starts shouting."

And how is the world reacting to his tirade?
"I’ve found a lot of people, including my daughter, imitating his voice." (And his irreverent one-liners seem to be catching up as well.) "I’ve actually seen my friends refer to their girlfriends as `shameless ladies’, as the old man would put it. (Looks like we have more than one lunatic on the loose.)

What’s next on the lift-man’s agenda?
(May be, he’ll get out of the lift and take to the streets, float a political party and contest the next election.) "He’s planning to continue his campaign in his own way. And he won’t accept a bribe either. So, he’ll be back with more mayhem."

So, what is the father of the `lift-man’ most likely to say?
"N-joy." (We should have known that.)

q And least likely to say?
"I try my best."