Banking on empty

Desiring an Internet banking facility, something not offered by my brass-token-era sarkari bank, I dropped in at a branch of a well-known pr...

Desiring an Internet banking facility, something not offered by my brass-token-era sarkari bank, I dropped in at a branch of a well-known private bank. It was a bleak day, with a thin, icy drizzle dampening both collar and spirits. The smart young officer winced at the sight of my scruffy, mud-stained shoes. 8220;I8217;d like to open a savings account,8221; I mumbled. 8220;I8217;ve got the necessary documents here, proof of ID and so forth.8221; He winced again as I extracted a shabby envelope from my tote and spread its contents on his gleaming table: voter8217;s ID card, credit card statement, sarkari-bank passbook. He gazed with a kind of sick horror at my photo on the ID card.

8220;Like a terminal malaria patient, huh?8221; I said in an effort to lighten the gloom. He did not smile, but glanced from ID card to passbook and back again. 8220;Tell me,8221; he frowned, 8220;is the name on your ID card spelt correctly?8221; 8220;No, it isn8217;t!8221; I replied with a nervous laugh. His eyes narrowed. 8220;The Election Commission chaps put a 8216;y8217; in place of an 8216;i8217;,8221; I went on hurriedly. 8220;But my name is spelt correctly in the passbook and credit card statement.8221;

He was not amused. 8220;This won8217;t do, sir8230; do you have a passport? Driving licence?8221; 8220;I8217;m afraid not,8221; I replied, feeling my self-esteem and net worth shrivel by the second. 8220;Hmm8230; what about a PAN card?8221; 8220;Yes! No! I mean, I have a PAN number but no PAN card, the Income Tax chaps never sent it to me.8221; I felt every eye in the office now on my shabby-jacketed back. Feebly, I plucked at my sodden collar. 8220;No PAN card? But how did you get your PAN number?8221; 8220;You won8217;t believe this, but I took it down from a screen at the IT office, because they said despatch of the card would take time!8221; I said. I was right, he didn8217;t believe it; even to me it sounded an unlikely story. 8220;Look,8221; I quavered, 8220;I8217;ve filed tax returns for 10 years with this PAN number.8221;

8220;Ah, then you8217;ve been assessed to tax?8221; he cut in cunningly. 8220;No, I8217;ve filed nil returns!8221; I cried. His eyebrows shot up, and now I felt like one of Telgi8217;s seedier associates. 8220;I8217;m a writer,8221; I declared bravely, 8220;writing doesn8217;t pay much, heh heh.8221; His glacial stare said what he was too polite to say, that my kind of writing obviously wouldn8217;t pay.

8220;Sir,8221; he said softly, 8220;please get a letter from your present banker certifying the spelling of your name and address.8221; I was aghast. 8220;But my name and address are right there, in their passbook and this statement! Even on the ID card, only the name8217;s slightly misspelled.8221; His shrug was apologetic, his stare glacial. The security guard followed me as I stumbled towards the door, doubtless to ensure I didn8217;t pilfer an ATM on my way out.