‘I think my parents…’: Kareena Kapoor Khan on what she learned about avoiding setting expectations for her kids from her upbringing

She explained that this freedom actually helped her and her sibling Karisma Kapoor thrive: “I think that’s also the reason why we’ve excelled in whatever we’ve done is also that our parents have allowed us to exactly choose to act and so be it. And that’s what it was. There was never really any pressure.” Even then, she noted, there was an emphasis on basics: “Yes, you have to try and do as much as you can in terms of your education.”

 

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When speaking about her children, she described a similar hands-off approach. Kareena shared that she doesn’t impose expectations related to success or talent: “No, I mean, I just feel like I have two boys. The only thing I push them for is a little more of an outdoorsy kind of sport and stuff. Tough in Mumbai. In Mumbai, just push them a little bit more like, you know, cricket or football.” 

She added that the only other gentle nudge is related to music, “Yeah, and the only thing I’ve said, it’ll be nice if you guys play an instrument because your father loves the guitar. If you wish to pick it up, if you don’t, that’s also fine.”

Guidance versus autonomy

Psychologist Rasshi Gurnani tells indianexpress.com, “Kareena’s example reflects an authoritative style, where children are offered support but not control. The key is to provide exposure, not direction.” 

She continues, “Parents can introduce opportunities, like showing what exists in the world, while letting the child decide what to pursue. Autonomy-supportive parenting encourages curiosity without demanding performance, which helps children feel they are choosing for themselves, not living out their parents’ goals.”

How autonomy impacts motivation, confidence, and long-term success in children

Children should engage in activities because they find personal value in them, not because they fear failure or seek approval. Gurnani notes that when children feel they have control over their choices, their self-efficacy grows, making them more confident in their abilities. 

“Self-determination theory builds internal motivation, which sustains learning, performance, and overall emotional well-being,” states Gurnani. 

How parents can introduce activities without turning them into expectations

To avoid invisible pressure, Gurnani suggests that parents watch for behavioural cues: sudden resistance, anxiety before practice, or doing something only to please adults are signs that external pressure is taking over. 

“When children feel they can quit without disappointing anyone, they engage more freely and develop interests that genuinely belong to them,” concludes the expert.