‘Thought I had it all right’: Late Sunjay Kapur’s wife Priya Sachdev on leaving her first marriage that seemed perfect on paper; what incompatibility looks like

Sachdev said she began noticing things were wrong soon after she became pregnant. “When I had her (daughter) and I realised, a few 15 to 20 weeks into my pregnancy, I realised this marriage is not right. But I still continued to make this work.” Eventually, she left five years later, choosing peace for herself and her daughter. “My ex-in-laws called me apologising… I wasn’t valued or appreciated for the sacrifices I made. That was one victory.” 

Reflecting on her healing, she added, “The voices in my head didn’t bother me anymore… When I controlled the voices in my head, I looked at life differently.”

What are some early emotional red flags in a relationship that people tend to overlook, especially when everything ‘on paper’ looks perfect?

Neha Cadabam, senior psychologist and executive director at Cadabams Hospitals, tells indianexpress.com, “When a relationship looks ideal externally, it is easy to ignore subtle emotional red flags. One common sign is a persistent feeling of being emotionally drained after interactions with a partner. This can be misinterpreted as stress or adjustment issues, but it often signals an imbalance in emotional reciprocity.”

“Another red flag is when someone begins to minimise their own needs or consistently rationalises behaviour that makes them uncomfortable. Also, when a partner avoids accountability or makes you question your memory or feelings, even subtly, it can undermine emotional safety,” notes Cadabam.

She adds that people sometimes “dismiss these feelings in the hope that things will improve or because the relationship appears stable on the outside.” But emotional safety, consistent respect, and mutual support are crucial from the very beginning, even if there are no overt conflicts.

Differentiating between normal adjustment struggles in a marriage and deeper, long-term incompatibility 

Adjustment struggles are expected in any long-term relationship. “They usually arise from situational stress, lifestyle differences, or communication gaps and tend to improve with time, mutual effort, and open conversation. Both partners remain emotionally available and express a shared willingness to grow together,” says Cadabam. 

In contrast, she mentions, emotional neglect and incompatibility are “more persistent and feel one-sided.” Signs include a lack of emotional responsiveness, repeated dismissal of concerns, or feeling lonely even when together. If one partner consistently avoids meaningful connection or if emotional needs are met with silence or criticism, it suggests more than temporary friction.

“Long-term incompatibility often shows up in values, emotional capacity, or life goals that feel fundamentally mismatched. Unlike temporary issues, these do not resolve with better communication alone and tend to leave one or both partners feeling unseen or unheard over time,” shares the expert.