4 min readNew DelhiMar 10, 2025 08:01 AM IST
First published on: Mar 9, 2025 at 06:00 PM IST
On a Saturday afternoon, I panic-called a married friend, asking a rather ridiculous question: if a woman’s in-laws become her legal parents instead of her own mum and dad. My exasperation stemmed from an Instagram reel where lyricist and screenwriter Javed Akhtar spoke about the expectations placed on women before and after marriage.
This is 2025. Today’s women are self-aware, assertive about their rights, unapologetically vocal about their choices, and gung-ho to challenge any patriarchal boo-boo in their way.
As a 28-year-old woman gearing up for marriage this year, I’ve spent quite a lot of time reading about bold, independent women who lived on their own terms. I also see women rising above expectations, breaking boundaries, and achieving what once seemed impossible. Despite all this, a lingering question remains: “Do women have to prioritise their in-laws over their own parents after marriage?” This question is for all women — independent, self-made, and unshakeable.
There’s a custom, forced under the garb of “tradition,” that married women visiting their hometowns must first go to the in-laws’ place before their parents’. Somehow, this practice feels like a subtle yet firm reminder of how––no matter how progressive we get or claim to be––some patriarchal systems refuse to fade. Facing this diktat has been particularly jarring for me.
In today’s hyper-connected world, information is buzzing like flies in a sweet shop. Stories of women breaking personal and societal barriers and building empires are everywhere. Yet here I am, being told that I must visit my to-be husband’s family first––simply because I am choosing marriage. Would men ever be expected to do the same? Would they be asked to go to their wife’s family first when they’re in town? Or would they be shamed for it?
Many of my close friends are married, have children, and are living what seems to be the perfect “happily ever after”. Perfect is fine, but did these well-informed, empowered women truly challenge patriarchal norms before or after their weddings, or are they just conforming to them under the guise of tradition? Did they embrace rituals that hold no meaning for them, or did they give in to the pressure?
It’s not like I haven’t had these conversations with my friends and family. My sister got married last year. She completed her studies, built her career, and then got married. Yet, I watched her bow to norms and rituals that she doesn’t even believe in or respect. So, why go along with it? Why sacrifice personal beliefs?
Perhaps marriage is like motherhood—an experience everyone romanticises while glossing over the difficult parts. The pain, the weight gain, other bodily changes, the emotional upheavals—all seemingly forgotten once the baby arrives. Or perhaps it’s simply about surrendering oneself to another’s expectations—some can do it easily while others, like me, just cannot.
In this age of changing gender dynamics and empowerment, I want my marriage to be one where mutual respect and choice are at the core. I want to be able to challenge traditions that undermine that, even if those come from places I love and respect. This is not about rejecting my in-laws’ beliefs or causing any disrespect to the culture I was born into. It’s about reclaiming the right to make my own choices—the right to go to my parents’ first, to hug them just as I did all this while before I got married. Or, maybe time and circumstance will goad me into throwing in the towel just like the others did!
Stories of women breaking personal and societal barriers and building empires are everywhere (Representational image/Pinterest) 
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