Opinion Air India incident: Why for a woman, travelling is terrifying and why we don’t push back more

For many women, travelling is a privilege, not a right, unlike the men around us. Often, we are worried: Will I lose that privilege if I complain too much?

The truth is that as women who travel — be it for work or pleasure, we are constantly reminded that there is truly no safe space. (Express)

Shruti Dhapola

January 10, 2023 02:34 PM IST First published on: Jan 10, 2023 at 02:34 PM IST

The year was 2016. It was my first trans-Atlantic flight from London to Los Angeles via British Airways. And I was ready to throw up. What’s worse is that I was in the middle seat in the economy section between two white men. And while I suffered through the flight — the two of them kept chugging beers. “Beer, mate?”, they would ask each other in turn, unfazed by the turbulence or my retching noises. And if you think some sort of horror unfolded because I — a tiny 4-foot-11-inch woman — was sitting between two drunk men, you’re wrong. Those two made me feel utterly comfortable, there was no harassment. They were courteous, not trying to take up my armrest, and there was no unexplained touching.

The reason I’m recounting this as a woman is that the experience of that British Airways flight is the exception, rather than the norm when it comes to drunk men on flights. I have travelled alone on several long-distance flights, across several countries. Many of these have been 16-hour flights where I’ve travelled alone in the economy class, strangers all around me. Inevitably, whenever I’m sitting next to a man, I’m terrified and on alert — age, nationality, no bar. So when the Air India incident came to light, I could only shake my head in empathy. It was also a reminder that as women, we always need to be on alert when we travel. One would think that “business class” would mean some sort of false safety, but I know it is not true.

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Men will stare at you, sometimes pointedly at your breasts, irrespective of which section of the plane you are seated in. And as a single woman traveller, I’ve also come up with strategies to protect myself. I’ve learnt that I must wear loose-fitting clothes on planes with a coat or jacket on top — even if it is 45 degrees Celsius outside. Yes, I know we must not blame women, but let’s be honest. In the real world, if you are harassed, you will be blamed. So I do what I can to “protect” myself or at least tell myself that I wasn’t to blame.

I’ve also learnt to fight for my space on many of these flights. I’ve had men quickly stretch the seat right back — even before the flight has taken off. When I tried to register my disapproval, it was clear I’d struck a nerve. I could see it in the man’s face — who is this tiny woman shouting back and resisting my right to stretch out the seat, her comfort be damned. There have been middle-aged uncles who have told me to sit in the middle seat in an entitled tone — when I had the aisle. When I refused, they spent the entire flight making me uncomfortable by constantly usurping the armrest.

I’ve also had men try to grab me from the back of the seat and when I’ve glared they pretended as though nothing happened. And then, of course, there was the one suave-looking fellow who decided to molest me on the bus back to the airport. Unfortunately for him, my boyfriend and I decided to drag him to the police station, where he, of course, begged that we should not file the FIR, because “oh I will lose my job”.

The truth is that as women who travel — be it for work or pleasure, we are constantly reminded that there is truly no safe space. I constantly try to “avoid” bad incidents. I sit right at the edge of my seat when seated next to a larger man. I book an aisle seat most of the time because it offers a quick exit. I use noise-cancelling headphones, so I don’t have to listen to any unwarranted comments. I heave a sigh of relief when the two seats next to mine are empty. Not because I need the extra space. But because I know at least no one can molest me.

I very often don’t fall asleep on longer flights, because I’m never sure about my safety. This is not to say that every male passenger seated next to me has misbehaved. No, most are well-behaved, but a few bad experiences are enough to ruin one’s sense of safety. And as women, we’ve had a fair share of these across our lifetimes.

The truth is that when you are stuck on a 16-hour flight headed to a foreign country and something terrible takes place, you know you will often not get support from others, especially fellow passengers. In the Air India case, even the airline staff let the victim down. Finally, there’s another reason we don’t really lash out or fight when there is a “bad incident”. Because for many women — irrespective of our class status — travelling is a privilege, not a right, unlike the men around us. Often, we are worried: Will I lose that privilege if I complain too much? So we do what we can and adjust and strategise till the next flight.

shruti.dhapola@expressindia.com