World according to ERIC

When my wife went to the US for her PhD and I had to manage two mutinous kids — who were then eleven and nine, respectively — I fe...

When my wife went to the US for her PhD and I had to manage two mutinous kids — who were then eleven and nine, respectively — I fell back on what I had learnt in the Navy to run a taut but happy ship. It did not always work, as my daughter, Swara, who is now 22, reminds me. I had evolved routines from the time they woke up at “hands call” and caught the bus to be on school “watch” till “pipe-down” when they were supposed to be in bed.

A useful principle I tried to instill was the concept of ERIC. Acronym for “easy to remember if consulted”, the Officer of the Day (OOD) maintains the ERIC — a book in which relevant instructions and information are noted and passed on to the next set of watch-keepers. The OOD concept failed at home since Swara told me archly that she and her brother were still kids and if she had a choice, she would be the Captain and I could be the permanent OOD at home — till Mom came back.

I made a tactical retreat and suggested that, as the older kid, she could at least keep the ERIC for information meant for me — particularly telephone calls. Madam grudgingly agreed and I saw it as a minor victory. I gave her the standard drill — do not screech “hello-hello” when you answer a phone. Smartly state the number you are speaking from and politely say, “Captain Bhaskar is not at home. Would you like to leave a message?” And make a note of the same in the ERIC.

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I thought this would work fine till I came to know about one such ERIC encounter much later — and this is how it was reconstructed. When the phone rang Abu grabbed it first with a machine-gun burst: “This is 381793 and Papa is not at home… bye.” At that there is a yell from his sister: “You idiot, gadha, who asked you to answer the phone? I am the OOD. Give it to me.” A long wait while the person on the other end waits patiently and finally Madam gets to the phone. The drill is executed confidently. “Can you spell? Then spell your name — slowly. Yes, what is the message? CTBT? That is all? Is it a ‘gaali’? One minute, I have to find ERIC — no, ERIC is not my brother. Have you got a sister? Did you fight with her when you were small? You meanie, you still fight with her? I won’t talk to you.” Bang.

Much later I got a call from Madhavrao Scindia asking whether I had got his message about the CTBT meeting. I fumbled when he enquired as to who ERIC was. Slowly the whole episode was narrated and, gracious man that he was, he was full of praise for the confident manner in which Swara dealt with his call. And when I enquired, Madam’s saucy response was that she remembered but I had not consulted her!

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