Why Bill doesn8217;t get top billing

Ever wondered why Vinod Kh-anna went towering over the he-ads of other MPs in Parliament to shake hands with Bill Clinton? When ertswhile ...

Ever wondered why Vinod Kh-anna went towering over the he-ads of other MPs in Parliament to shake hands with Bill Clinton? When ertswhile Oshoite meets Playboy of the Western World, shouldn8217;t sparks fly? After all, it8217;s not every day that the Mithun Chakraborty of American politics by that we mean the American equivalent of the top-rated star of B-list films visits India. So if you8217;re wondering why the Indian media has discovered the virtues of a President even Monica Lewinsky gave up on, don8217;t worry. As Mark Tully will tell you, with the all-empathising smile which comes with having been there, done that, Indians love film stars and people with charisma. And it8217;s clear that no one has as much charisma as Clinton, even a Clinton whose sole contribution to history will be in the many uses to which he put the Cuban cigar.

So even as the rest of the world walks every step of the way with a Pope suffering from Alzheimer8217;s on a historic visit to the Middle East and China ponders what to do with the troublesome Chen Shui-bian in Taiwan, Indians can8217;t get enough of Clinton and his good dog Buddy who couldn8217;t make it.

Even as we celebrate the five-year-old Friends on Star World and the two-year-old miracle of India8217;s infotech riches remember Fortune discovered Azim Premji before us, the world has gone far ahead. Even as we marvel at the 8220;feel-good8221; oh, that Nineties phrase factor of Clinton8217;s holiday, the American media has moved into Gore vs Bush gear in a primary-obsessed polity, or if you8217;re Maureen Dowd, the sheer shmaltziness of John McCain. And even as we wonder at Chelsea8217;s departed boyfriend, the American glossies can8217;t get enough of Karenna Gore8217;s rebel years.

For a public imagination which has been fed on a diet of kitschy television Ramayana and spectacular Bollywood mel-as, there8217;s nothing as delightful as slightly soiled goods, the most powerful man on earth with the most public private life, a John F. Kennedy for the new millennium, with sex, lies, videotape and maybe a lecture tour or two.

The spectacle of grown men tripping over each other to shake the hand that rocked the cradle of interns, that is is not just media hype though the people who have generated it will insist it is. It is real enough in the bubble where people live for one of the 700 invites Celeste and Lundquist never Dick and Jackie, not even when you want to shake Clinton8217;s hand sent out in the Capital for their bash for Bill.

So the Confederation of Indian Industry thanks a 20-year-old for bringing her father to India. Two suit-and-tie clad gents, Nalin Kohli and Rahul Dev, do a Harsha Bhogle, reporting live from the Palam tarmac of how Air Force One or the Titanic if you8217;ve been following the broadsheets is taxiing on the tarmac. Even Karnataka, the State most miffed by Clinton8217;s visit that wasn8217;t, issues a quarter page ad extolling his virtues and a few of its own.For weeks now we8217;ve been told of the world8217;s youngest pensioner8217;s visit.

There8217;s been a guessing game on where he8217;s going to stay, though the five star hotel where he did finally zero in insisted the roadrollers parked in their lobbies were only doing 8220;product upgradation8221;. Th-ere8217;s been hyper excitement about Ch-elsea8217;s intention to play Holi which ultimately consisted of Gaj Singh8217;s wife Hemlata putting two dainty daubs of pink colour on the First Daughter8217;s ringlet-framed cheeks. And there8217;s been even more interest in what Clinton will be eating. Will it be soft meat without bones only for dressing or will it be paneer?

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Who cares? Obviously not the American TV networks, who have been reporting desultorily from what they insist is his South Asia visit. Certainly not the newspapers either. The New York Times which unlike The Washington Post was generous enough to put the Clinton visit on page one, had this screaming headline for its Celia W. Dugger despatch: 36 Sikhs Massacred in Kashmir as Clinton begins Visit in India. Just us, with our trivia obsession. Are there five spy satellites or four, did he have a Sikandri naan or a Sikandra naan. And while we8217;re there, whatever did he do with that dress worn by that woman?