Dive Dive Dive

While you sweat in the heat,an impish looking waiter will take forever to come around for the order. Gudumba,you pay later. Foren beeer,you go out and buy. Now on to the food. Fresh masala chicken and fried peas. And,you guessed right,veg manchurian. Except for the peas,everything else looks like it has been soaked in a combination of raw blood and chilli powder. And a two-inch layer of oil floats on top. One of the drunk women will almost certainly get up and threaten to disrobe and implicate one of the men. A flutter. Calm will be restored by the man getting up and apologising and rolling her another joint.

The walk back to the town will be filled with a sense of strangeness and awe,clouded by the strangely acidic bile of the gudumba in your gut.

Beer to order: Canonball 10000. Or better,Gudumba

Shadiness scale: 10/10

Koraput is not on most peoples tourist map. And for that one must be thankful. Nestled in the Kolab valley and surrounded by lush forests,it is one of Orissas hidden gems. And like most of Indias small towns,it is full of character and has one heck of a crowded and thriving market. At the end of the main market street is the bus stand.

At the back of the stand,lined with shacks selling Gob Sooye,Needles and Briyani,is the Sun Bar,in two parts. First is the shop where you buy the booze this is a typical place,shuttered from top to bottom,with a small hole to pay and receive. Next to it is a small tunnel about 5 feet wide and about the same height. Crouch into it and proceed for about 10 metres where the ceiling suddenly rises to 20 feet and reveals a large room with tubelights,covered in red and green translucent film.

With beer or whatever youve got in hand,make yourself comfortable on wicker chairs or thick floor mats and order mutton chops. Enjoy the extremely surreal lighting,let the haze of country cigarettes get inside you. Cheers!

Beer to order: jungle king 12000

Shadiness scale: 9/10

As if one wasnt enough,Koraput is home to another amazing place. Unlike the easy discoverablity of the bus-stand adda,this one is a bit of a hit-and-miss affair.

About 5 km before town on the Jeypore Road is a largish two-storey house painted in a mellow sandstone colour. Outside the house,there is a large 4-ft-tall board that says 8220;Beer8221;.

Since it is well outside town,it is best if you hire a rickshaw for the up-and-down trip. On a dark and wet evening,a bunch of us did just that. The overeager owner will Welcome,welcome you and usher you into what looks like a bedroom stripped of any sleeping arrangements. Instead,youll find ubiquitous white plastic chairs circled around a really dirty maroon teacloth-covered table. Dont ever put your hands on this table.

As soon as you are comfortable,a couple of young boys will appear and generally fuss around until you decide what to order. Beer will do,thank you. What to eat,you ask. Confusion will reign and you will be pointed to the kitchen where some guy with an omelette pan and a piece of chicken leg is busy making something.

Along the way to the kitchen,youll start noticing the house. And then itll hit you. Bedroom upon bedroom! If the owner sees you looking at the house,hell give you a sheepish look. Also,beware if you want to pee. The back of the house leads to a 100-ft drop. One more thing,carry a bunch of mosquito coils. You wont survive otherwise.

Beer to order: Kingfisher Strong

Shadiness scale: 9/10

Firozpur in Punjab is a typical garrison town on the Indo-Pakistan border. Wide,tree-lined streets and old,pretty buildings. As with most such places,it has a grimier side as well.

If you head towards Azadi Chowk from the Cantonment Railway Station,youll find an ancient place called the International Beer Bar and Restaurant. It is as dark and dingy as it gets,with an overpowering smell of desi ghee.

Forget the peeling yellow paint on the scraggy walls,forget the broken and clearly worn blue Nilkamal chairs,forget the chipped tables with Formica tops from the 1950s. Simply sit down and ask for a few bottles of Thunderbolt beer,order a casserole of butter chicken and rotis as they are made. You are guaranteed the finest Punjabi experience for less than 200 bucks.

Beer to Order: Thunderbolt

Shadiness Scale: 7/10

Just like most of the places on this list,you might not have heard of Guntakal,a dusty,railway town in the middle of Andhra Pradesh. But if you are a frequent traveller between Chennai or Bangalore and Mumbai,this is the place where you stock up on food: the canteen on Platform 6 of the station serves up some delectable pongal,vadas and uthappams almost 24 hours a day. But that isnt the reason why I get off the train one hot,fly-blown summer evening. It is to find out if there really is a town outside the station and if so what type of a drinking hole it will harbour.

Exiting the station and crossing over into what seems like a garbage dump,I enter the town. An obligatory direction board,which I later learned had turned ninety degrees,shows arrows to the bus station,the circuit house and the office of the chief irrigation supervisor. A few metres from the bus stand,I spot a wine shop. It seems like the best place to get directions to a bar and I am not disappointed.

Yes,yes,saar,just take the first right here, says the fellow manning the shop,pointing down the road. Walking past shops selling outlandishly bright sarees and other dress material,I hit the bar. Except that it isnt what I expect. Dozens of people in varying stages of drunkenness mill around a large store with the obligatory iron grille front.

I come across one person who seems to be interested in helping out and ask him where the bar is. He circles his hand once and said Ide . This is it. Now,Ive had a drink or two in all sorts of places,but this is a first out in the open and as I turn around,right in front of a beat of policemen.

Making my way up the queue,I ask the shop assistant what is on sale. Kalyani Black Label, comes the reply,and I know I have found my heaven. For me,it has long been the strong beer of choice. It pours well and has a thick,off-white but quickly diminishing head.

And it is also spicy in a way that cant be described well. And that spiciness is what will come in handy next. Any apprehension of drinking in the middle of town quickly dissipates at the sight of a constable swigging a few tumblers of amber liquid.

Sikken8230; you will get oppojit, comes a voice from behind. Across the street,red pieces of chicken greet me. Sweating in oil,diesel fumes and dust,they look brilliant. But I am too chicken to eat them. As I drink the beer,the watering hole becomes busier and louder. They are chattering about everything: Chiranjeevis politics,the success of a film,the miserliness of the mother-in-law,the wives,the moneylenders.

Very soon,it is time to leave. Steadying myself,I ask the policeman,who now reeks of sweat and cheap country rum,if it is like this every day. Yes,saar. Every day. This is Guntakals best and cheapest bar.

Beer to order: Kalyani Black label

Shadiness scale: 8/10