We really bow-wowed 146;em, Sergeant Harry reporting

Our first assignment was to sniff out that huge doghouse they call Rashtrapati Bhavan. Gawd! They haven8217;t vacuum cleaned those kennels since ol8217; Mountbatten left, I betcha. One of the old dogs out there told me a funny yarn of how his great-great-grandfather had once caught this ol8217; lord under a pergola pissing into the flower beds, and took a bite off this leg 8212; you can still sniff that ol8217; man out! You know what they say about mad dogs and Englishmen! Anyway, Rashtrapati Bhavan was hard, hard work. It is so blasted big. The horses, though, were impressive, must admit.

Then there was the mausoleum for someone they call the apostle of non-violence at Rajghat. We needed to go there, our Major-General explained, because we need to tell the world that while we may have blasted Iraq back to the stone age, we guys believe in non-violence. I8217;m told they showed us on on TV going about our business at Rajghat, and the Indians were livid! Too bad. Do they expect us to compromise on our security? No sirree, we are Dog Squad One, and you don8217;t mess with us.

From there, it was back to another stone heap they call Hyderabad House for our talks. Gawd, how many more of these sandstone dumps do they have? Thank heavens that lunch was fairly leisurely. We did a quick sniff of the banquet area, and sat down for a fairly substantial repast, beginnin8217; with barbequed crab-meat and endin8217; with lamb chops. Gave the masala chai creme brulee a miss though. We8217;re advised to cut down on the cals. As our handlers say, 8216;8216;We want the Dog Squad trim 8212; look at Condi Rice, we gotta be fit and trim like her!8217;8217; By the way, we announced the nuclear deal at lunch. The Indians were ecstatic, kept jumpin8217; around in joy. For an old dog like me, all this was kinda amusin8217;. We8217;ve really bow-wowed 8217;em, haven8217;t we? They8217;ll be eatin8217; out of our hand for decades now!

Then it was back to old Rashtrapati Bhavan for the reception! Got quite tired of the place, must say. The next mornin8217; though relaxed. Roosevelt House was like bein8217; back home in Washington, we didn8217;t have to do too much sniffin8217; around.

My fellow officer, Sergeant Eddy, did the Hyderabad stretch. He8217;s what you call a pain in the tail. A psychopathic pooch of a Doberman, trained by the Pentagon, who can chase anything 8212; whether it8217;s WMD in the Iraqi sands or his own posterior! I don8217;t want to be a dog in the manger, but you know it8217;s me who does the really big assignments. Like Purana Qila. Another great big stone heap 8212; and this one8217;s even older. Goes back to someone called Humayun, I believe, who slipped down its stairs and killed himself. The place is crawlin8217; with snakes. Give me a good, honest-to-god American Russell8217;s Viper, any day 8212; those cobras are tricky. Could sniff out the tiger in the zoo next door. And the chimps and crocs, too. Gawd, how they smell and what a racket they made. Can8217;t understand these Indians. Why did they want us to speak from this perch? Was this some kinda joke they sprang on us, gettin8217; us to address the zoo? I sniff a conspiracy here, but will save it up for our debriefin8217; in Washington.

Already missin8217; home. Ah, wish they8217;d send us to Crawford after this trip for a break. Could catch up with Barney, Beazley, and the rest. Just want to be a watch-dog for a change. I mean, watch Lassie come home, or some funnies on TV. It8217;s a dog8217;s life we lead, and even us, First Canines, deserve a break. See ya, woof, woof!