Untying this knot

In Jammu and Kashmir, controversies are being spun around marriages these days. First, it was the Jammu and Kashmir Permanent Resident Disq...

In Jammu and Kashmir, controversies are being spun around marriages these days. First, it was the Jammu and Kashmir Permanent Resident Disqualification Bill, which created quite a furore. If the Legislative Council passes this Bill, it would mean that girls marrying outside the state will cease to be residents of the state.

Now the government has invoked the Essential Commodities Act to contain wasteful expenditure on weddings. Opinion is divided on this issue as well. But the details of the order deserve a second look. At the wedding of a girl, 45 kilograms of rice and meat can be prepared and served. If two girls are being married at the same time, this quantity can be increased to 60 kg each. On the marriage of a boy, 30 kg of rice and 30 kg of meat are allowed to be cooked. The bride8217;s side has been allowed to invite 75 guests, including 25 bharaatis, while the bridegroom8217;s side can invite 50 guests. The total number of dishes shall not exceed five, excluding rice and wheat flour. In case the bharaat comes from outstation, the host may serve two consecutive meals to the bharaatis.

This order may have come as a party-pooper for many but the spirit behind it needs to be appreciated. In a country where many of us cannot even afford two square meals a day, it makes little sense to spend money like water on such occasions. Ostentation is no less a vice than dowry.

I have seen many educated young men saying no to both dowry and pomp at their weddings. An acquaintance of mine 8212; a dashing and balding engineer 8212; took a stand not to take dowry, even against the wishes of his parents. And then he took only a handful of bharaatis to the girl8217;s place. He came without even wearing a sehra the traditional headdress that bridegrooms sport, putting the bride8217;s family into great shock. They could not do anything except ask the bridegroom to at least don a sehra.

However, they reacted very sharply when a match was being fixed for their younger daughter. Again the prospective bridegroom displayed spunk and expressed his dislike for both dowry and ostentatious celebrations. The girl8217;s side acquiesced to not giving a dowry, but would not change their stand on conducting a 8220;proper8221; wedding ceremony. Their logic was simple: Every girl had to be married amidst much song and dance. Finally, the boy8217;s relatives had to relent. Now it transpires that both sides are left with huge loans that were taken to solemnise the wedding.

This is what happens when we give in to that famous question: What will people say? And this is why the J038;K government8217;s latest decision on marriages needs to be appreciated. It appears to be an attempt to change popular thinking and is worthy of being emulated by other states.