Those Reality Poll Shows

It8217;s Reality TV time and no, we speak not of the Indian Idol final. At the Railway Budget, Laloo Prasad Yadav, in a daisy yellow sleeve...

It8217;s Reality TV time and no, we speak not of the Indian Idol final. At the Railway Budget, Laloo Prasad Yadav, in a daisy yellow sleeveless sweater, proclaimed to the retreating NDA, with unintended foresight, 8216;8216;Go, go,8217;8217; 8212; pretty much what Bihar said to him next day. For the first time in living memory, or since TV news discovered him, Laloo disappointed the faithful TV cameramen and reporters who had camped outside his residence by observing 24 hours of rare silence.

In comparison, the BJP-NDA waxed eloquent and outraged 8212; a throwback to the good old TV days when they enjoyed power. Advani, Vajpayee, Jaitley, Naidu, Fernandes 8212; all the big guns roared on Jharkhand. In their midst, a new star was born: Jharkhand8217;s Governor Razi. Last Friday, after meeting the President, he was polite, charming and smiled with such undisguised pleasure at the cameras, you8217;d think President Kalam had appreciated his Jharkand misadventure. The 41 NDA-supporting MLAs relished the unexpected TV op, equally. They flashed smiles and jostled to fit into the TV frame. Thank-you Congress.

On poll result day, you watch the men you want: Prannoy-Dorab-Sardesai on NDTV 24215;7, Yogendra Yadav on NDTV India. If you prefer Prabhu Chawla plus politicians switch to Aaj Tak, Mahesh Rangarajan is your man on Star News, and if you desire five men at one go switch to DD News which has more guests than results. Should you want to snore through it all, join India TV8217;s elderly gentleman on armchairs.

We know what to expect of TV election results and we got it: swift results, drawn out speculation: what if Laloo does and Paswan doesn8217;t, will Nitish if Paswan does too and where does that leave Sonia? Waltzing in Haryana? If only Bhajan Lal would step aside and wouldn8217;t she like to step on Shibu Soren8217;s beard, sorry toes? On and on in an endless 8212; and fairly pointless 8212; rotation from State to State, where, although the results had been declared by Sunday afternoon, nothing had been decided till Friday. You8217;re better off speculating on the markets!

The Union Budget provided another day of live speculation. The Finance Minister took the precaution of setting his hair firmly so that till the very last interview late Monday night, it 8212; and he 8212; didn8217;t wilt. His wife was questioned outside Parliament by Aaj Tak on the mistaken assumption that if you are the FM8217;s wife you must know more than other wives about economics. Mrs C muttered 8216;8216;taxes8217;8217; and hastened away.

Like the election results, we knew where the Budget specials were headed 8212; to CII, FICCI, Mumbai Stock Exchange and then to the streets where The People spoke:

Reporter: What do you think about the rise in cigarette prices?

Story continues below this ad

First citizen: A very good thing because it will discourage people from smoking.

Second citizen: Very bad for the people who already smoke because they will pay more for killing themselves.

Reporter: Well, there you have it, some like it and some don8217;t. But like they say, there is no smoking without a cigarette8230; Back to the studio 8230; Or some such thing.

Why, you may wonder, do TV news channels spend more than 12 hours on what the newspapers cover in a few pages the next morning? Answer: they attract more advertising. Ditto, all-day election specials.

Story continues below this ad

It8217;s film awards on every channel: Saturday8217;s Filmfare Awards Sony, Sunday8217;s Stardust Awards DD National, Monday8217;s Oscars Star Movies. The ceremonies tell you everything about the difference between Hollywood and Bollywood: the latter is full of colour, the former is a black and white tuxedo/ backless gown affair. Bollywood dances and prances while anchors crack poor jokes, Hollywood sits decorously in chairs and laughs when Clint Eastwood says he8217;s still young.

Stardust thought it was celebrating Black: it had a lengthy dance tribute to it Amitji8217;s mouth fell open 8212; in shock or awe, we can8217;t say, then feted Bachchan8217;s role in the film with Sanjay Leela Bhansali and Nandana Sen also taking a bow. Abhishek made the longest acceptance speech, ever. He might have told Mama Jaya to stop saying 8216;8216;C8217;mon Baby8217;8217; to him because it8217;s 25-odd years since he was one.