Telescope

On STAR Talk a few weeks ago, Sonia Gandhi admitted that in 1998 she had read English-into-Hindi. However, in 1999, she8217;s gone Devanagri like others go ethnic? and reads not her mother tongue, but her adopted one. Magnifico. Except she8217;s not applying for a job as translator, is she?Then there8217;s the objection that her Hindi speeches are ghostwritten and Sonia reads out what others commit to computer, rather like a child recitespoetry. Toba, toba. We have three implicit accusations, here. Two are linguistic: she can8217;t speak the language, she can8217;t think in the language. The third is intellectual: she can8217;t think, full stop; she doesn8217;t know the P of politics, the E of economics, blah-blah, blah.

Mrs.Gandhi sought to answer and refute all three, last week, in her first, exclusive full-length Hindi interview. Most notably, curiously, unbelievably, whatever, it was telecast on Doordarshan DD1. My, my: not like dear DD to gift so much prime time space to the general elections or the Congress President in that order. To the best of our 8216;umble knowledge, Mrs Gandhi is the sole leading ? politician to be so honoured.

Not that we8217;re complaining no, no but isn8217;t it odd? At a time when the Election Commission says political parties must not advertise on television, that exit polls must not appear on television, that there must be a level playing field on television, Doordarshan devotes 25-odd minutes at 8pm to Mrs.Gandhi.Decidedly odd Bertie Wooster would have said, were his creator P.G.Wodehouse, alive to write his dialogues!.

Now: either Doordarshan suddenly and inexplicably became sui generous and wished to assist Mrs.Gandhi as she ventured into the Hindi belt, or, Doordarshan wanted to reveal her shortcomings before most of it went to the polls. In other words, was this an advertorial or an expose?

First meet, Rajiv Shukla, the lucky dip winner: he was hand-picked in view of the Congress symbol, does the term assume a greater significance? 8212; handpicked to ask Mrs.Gandhi the type of questions in Hindi she might be able to answer in Hindi. The interview was obviously edited and rehearsed. The report card:

1. Sonia Gandhi does speak Hindi, without the assistance of the written word. Haltingly, like someone who8217;s had to substitute olive oil with sarson ka tel and is unfamiliar with the taste. 2. Sonia can speak and think in Hindi. She just blinks rapidly while doing so. Suggests she has to think very hardbefore. Trails off into silence because of acute language deprivation syndrome !, a condition in which you often do not possess the vocabulary to end a sentence. 3. Sonia does have a few thoughts on national issues. Distinctly heard her mention a sugar scam. But too few. Thoughts. Lastly, Sonia Gandhi8217;s taste in music if you must know runs to Pandit Jasraj, Kishori Amonkar and she wore green.

Tennis: The rain in New York is a bit like in Spain: it fell mainly on the plain 8212; hard courts of Flushing Meadows. Watching the recording of the doubles final, you sensed defeat. When Bhupathi blew set point in the first set tie-breaker, Vijay Amrithraj8217;s voice sank to a low volley. Two days earlier, he was on a high lob when Bhupathi/Sugiyama won the mixed doubles. Here8217;s how it went: Any resemblance to the real commentary is entirely intentional:

Andrea Leand: quot;He Bhups has great hands, great reflexes.quot;

Amrithraj: quot;Mmmmnnnnquot;

Andrea: quot;Sugiyama is so happy with his hands? she is skipping like SteffiGraf at the French Open.quot;

Andrea: quot;Ooooh!quot;

Vijay: quot;Aaaah!quot; Then recollecting he8217;d been taught how to speak, quot;That is a beautiful right hand angle pass down the line.quot; Phew!

Andrea: quot;Sugiyama is ready to shake hands.quot; if commentators are mind-readers, how come they weren8217;t so prescient as players?.

Bhupathi double faults. Sugiyama wiggles her bottom sympathetically.

Vijay: quot;Oh dearquot;

Andrea: quot;Veejay, he really needs to get the first one in here.quot;

Vijay loquacious: quot;Yup.quot;

Next serve.

Veejay: quot;First serve is what he needs here.quot; Andrea glares at him for stealing her line we are clairvoyants too!.

Bhupathi8217;s sole contribution to the conversation: quot;Naaaaaaa-aaargh!quot;

Andrea: quot;That8217;s Bhupatty making sure Sugiyama leaves the ball alone.quot;

Game and match.