Taking Wing

It8217;s baffling. Here8217;s a healthy, joyful part of life, and yet it is so difficult to cope with. It brings with it loneliness, sadne...

It8217;s baffling. Here8217;s a healthy, joyful part of life, and yet it is so difficult to cope with. It brings with it loneliness, sadness, tearfulness and even irritability.

It evokes mixed feelings at best, and psychologists even have a term for it8212;The Empty Nest Syndrome. It8217;s when our young ones become adults and move away to study or to start their own families.

Today8217;s column is meant not just for parents facing the empty nest, but also for those with nests full of chirping little ones. Sooner or later, they will take wing and then your emotions will take you by surprise.

8216;8216;It8217;s important that we all prepare ourselves for it,8217;8217; says World Health Organisation global expert on depression, Dr Rajesh Parikh. He helpfully puts together some survival pointers for us.

Preparation: Clicheacute;d as this may sound, it8217;s important to recognise the fact that our children do not belong to us and will move away. As a corollary to that, we must make the most of our time with them. A sensitive and empathetic father of three, Parikh, who is also a neuro-psychiatrist at Mumbai8217;s Jaslok Hospital, made a concerted effort to ensure he spent quality time with his children.

He suggests parents should keep in touch with peers8212;do not close the circle around your family so as to make it an isolated unit. Retain connections so that when the children move on, you have a life of your own.

It8217;s important to recognise that this condition is more common in women and that the empty nest syndrome may become more difficult because of other simultaneous changes, such as retirement or menopause.

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Parikh cites research that suggests some parents could be more susceptible than others. These could be those who found moving out of home a difficult and emotional experience or who rely on their parenting role for a sense of identity and self-worth.

Coping: Parikh8217;s practical guidelines:

8226; Put together a wishlist of the things you8217;ve always wanted to do and get cracking
8226; Take up short educational courses, if necessary
8226; If unemployed, take up some kind of job
8226; Join hobby groups
8226; Keep up regular routines and self-care, such as a healthy diet and regular exercise
8226; Acknowledge your grief even if you feel that no one else seems to understand, and allow yourself to feel upset
8226; Seek advice and support from other friends who have experienced this
8226; Give yourself time to adapt to changes
8226; Find peace in prayer, in meditation8212;do whatever feels right for you
8226; Seek professional help, if necessary