Small is big

8220;People are looking for the perfect thing to say,8221; says Debra Fine, author of The Fine Art of Small Talk. 8220;But most of us perfectionists never come up with the perfect icebreaker.8221; Hence, weather. It8217;s a commonality, Fine says. So are Britney Spears tragic, isn8217;t it?, traffic brutal, as always and the fate of the local sports team will they ever hit the big time?.

8220;Focus on something that can put you on the same level as the person,8221; says Jim Hewes, longtime bartender at the Willard InterContinental hotel. 8220;I haven8217;t travelled much, but I know about things all over the world through the people I meet.8221;

The icebreaker is one thing; keeping the conversation going is another. Preparing a handful of talking points alleviates the problem of what to say next. Imagine you8217;re a job applicant. The interviewer comes to take you to her office. You shake hands and follow her down the hall, which is endless. The interviewer calls her superviser to sit in on the meeting. The superviser says she8217;ll be there in two minutes. Two minutes of filler conversation! Gulp.

When in doubt, experts say, ask questions and listen. Attentiveness is flattery in the highest degree. Smart follow-up questions show you8217;re interested. Above all, don8217;t panic when there are pauses. Such lulls are inevitable, chances are the other person feels equally self-conscious.

At parties, there is a delightful antidote to conversational awkwardness: alcohol. Booze. At cocktail parties, it8217;s smart to stand near the bar or appetiser table. There8217;s a constant flow of people. Just remember that cocktail parties are meant for movement, for interacting across the room. Abandoning a conversation partner can be tricky, though.

If you8217;re talking to someone whose eyes are roaming the room, they8217;re ready to mingle. That8217;s when you should excuse yourself. What if you8217;re ready to move on, but the other person isn8217;t catching your signals? Fine suggests acknowledging that although there8217;s someone else you8217;d like to see, you want to hear the person8217;s story before you go.

Aficionados believe small talk can provide big gains. The point of the trite topics is to unearth topics on which to connect, and which could play out in business or your social life. 8220;We8217;re all very similar; we have the same feelings, same fears,8221; says Hewes, whose patrons include executives. And everyone talks about the weather. Lovely, isn8217;t it? LAT-WP