Rewind and forward

Looking back at the initial years of my marriage, I see myself as a very docile young bride with all the assertiveness shelved. To have a mi...

Looking back at the initial years of my marriage, I see myself as a very docile young bride with all the assertiveness shelved. To have a mind of ones own as a daughter-in-law was never considered a virtue.

Daughters-in-laws were supposed to cover their heads, walk, talk and even laugh noiselessly, in fact, just smile if required. This was something I had no anticipated. Life had taken an unknown turn. A domineering mother-in-law was something one had read in books or seen in movies. Here it was happening in real life. God! was I equipped to cope with this situation! I felt I was losing self esteem, slowly breaking down, succumbing to various pressures. I was the odd one out. I kept trembling to find my bearing. In the meanwhile my kids were born. Life went on.

In 8217;82 my husband got posted to Aurangabad. My younger one was two years old. Here I started earning and things slowly began to change. It seems odd when I look back, but yes, I rose in my own self esteem and slowly people around me in my immediate family, may be grudgingly, started respecting me a little. There have been many ups and down. I8217;ve tried my hard at various things since then; from cookery classes to teaching the art of Bonsai, and Ikebana, doing landscaping, stitching patchwork and applique, embroidery, interior designing, whatever came my way, I just grabbed it. I gained immensely in experience, I look back with mixed feelings. I8217;ve learnt that staying happy is in one8217;s own hands. It8217;s false to say that we make someone else happy or unhappy or vice versa. It8217;s because that someone has decided to be happy or unhappy or we have decided to be happy or unhappy. Happiness has to come from within. It has to be independent of others.

Its futile to dwell in past but good to learn lessons and walkahead in future. I also learnt that nobody changes for someone else8217;s sake. Like happiness change has to come from within, otherwise it8217;s pretense or suppression of one8217;s real self. I know I have a lot to look forward to. I8217;m looking forward to my baby girl becoming an architect in another couple of years, hopefully standing on her feet, confidently. I have personally been always more concerned about my daughter becoming self sufficient than my son. Boys most of the time get away with anything, girls rarely do. 8216;Am looking forward to in fact working with my daughter who is my friend and critic both though she is mostly appreciative.

It may happen, it may not, but there is plenty to look forward to. Life has its twists and turns. One does not know what is there in store. There are always surprises, good and bad, despite ill-health I always love to visualise a bright colourful sunset, before the night finally descends.