Just havt146;a win

Havt'A win in the Windies, mate. Plain as Trevor8217;s underarm to the Kiwis. To get there, every bozo in the team hast8217;a be tall popp...

Havt8217;A win in the Windies, mate. Plain as Trevor8217;s underarm to the Kiwis. To get there, every bozo in the team hast8217;a be tall poppy. But how do I get this bunch to do that? Not all are prima donnas mind, but you only need a sook or two to sink morale. Let me map out the guys I know.

Rahul: He8217;s fair dinkum.

Sachin: Great havin8217; him. Gotta8217; elbow him outa8217; this tennis mess though. Sehwag: Measured madness will have the opposition tearin8217; its hair but his current slam bang may rule out thatch restorer ads for him and ensure plenty of nail bitin8217;, if not apoplexy, in the camp.

Kaif: Love to see him out-Jonty Jonty. Just rushin8217; in may be okay for a Russian ballet but looks gawky on the field. Yuvraj: Coverin8217; the point and turnin8217; the arm over once in a while make him a natural, but the attitude leaves me wonderin8217;. Also, in my book mouthin8217; foul language is worse than leakin8217; e-mails.

Dhoni: Better in front of the stumps than behind but the kid8217;s willin8217; to bend and that pushes the curve up. Zaheer: Been there and done that is a sure recipe for oblivion. The mantra is NO no-balls, no wides, get inta8217; good rhythm and ALWAYS imagine you are bowlin8217; on the match wicket of the day AT THE NETS.

Irfan: The guy8217;s tickety boo, see great promise. Nehra: A cop out. Bowls some great spells but then always seems to be under a spell. Harbhajan: Spits the dummy. Wants a wicket each ball even with Anil Kumble showin8217; the way. One a cerebral trier, the other a young buck who8217;ll be a has-been if wiser counsels don8217;t prevail.

The nucleus hasta8217; be from the 40-odd on show. Once the playin8217; lot selects itself, it8217;ll be yakka and more yakka. No more stackin8217; some Zzzzs. The boys in Blue have to be wakey wakey all the way till they glug the sparklin8217; in the land of the Three Great Ws. When that happens, it8217;ll be time for me to choof off.

Dummy8217;s guide to Aussie speak: Tall poppy 8212; successful person in a particular field; sook 8212; crybaby; fair dinkum 8212; good, honest, truthful; spit the dummy 8212; uncontrollably upset; yakka 8212; hard work; stack some Zzzz8217;s 8212; sleep; choof off 8212; leave, depart.