Is there a God? Only Google knows

I empathise deeply with Deputy National Security Advisor Vijay Nambiar8217;s concern over Google Earth peeking at our military installations and bases.

I empathise deeply with Deputy National Security Advisor Vijay Nambiar8217;s concern over Google Earth peeking at our military installations and bases. I mean, can8217;t a self-respecting nation gliding on the 8-10 per cent growth path, keep a few security secrets to itself? But short of swaddling our military bases in yards of muslin, I don8217;t know how we can protect ourselves from the all-seeing presence of this search engine.

I know this sounds sacrilegious8212;and may I rot in hell for saying this8212;but if I were God I would certainly be threatened by Google8217;s silent encroachment into divine territory, its stealthy acquisition of divine power, its discreet suzerainty over the hearts and minds of an estimated 1,018,057,389 users in 193 nations, who collectively send into the ether some 300 million messages in 100 languages which is presumably more than all the prayers of the world dispatched to the almighty on any given day.

What8217;s more, Google is gaining ground even in godless regions of the world. The People8217;s Republic of China now has a brand new article of faith, right next to the one that says 8216;McDonald8217;s, yum, yum8217;, and it goes: 8216;In Google, We Trust8217;. All this time, while Ishwar, Khuda and Yahweh were carving out niche areas for themselves in the world and saving the souls of humanity8212;from each according to their certitudes to each according to their needs8212;Google went ahead and urged the world to type their desires into a formatted slot, and save themselves from burning in the everlasting hell-fires of darkness and ignorance.

While the Godly Forces participated in theological debates, argued over monotheism and paganism, evolved arcane procedures and involved ceremonies for human beings in search of salvation, and trained priests to do their every bidding, Google just said: Type it in, and salvation is yours. Now. In Real Time. Not in some distant Life Hereafter. While God crooned 8216;8216;Raghupati Raghava Raja Ram, Patita Pavana Sita Ram/Ishwar, Allah Tero Naam8230;8217;8217;, Google chorused, 8216;8216;Sab ko Sanmati de Bhagwan. Yo!8217;8217;

Consider, for a moment, the important theological question: Does God exist? Now this is a conundrum that has animated the world8217;s most brilliant minds, from Charles Darwin, not Camilla8217;s consort, dumbkopf! to Friedrich Nietzsche who once pronounced that 8216;8216;God is dead!8217;8217;, and they still haven8217;t come up with a conclusive answer. In contrast, we have no difficulty in stating that Google exists before our very eyes in many-splendoured bytes.

Now God may appear to have an edge, if you believe that he/she was responsible for creating that Supreme Being that Picks its Nose8212;I am referring of course to the Homo Sapien, or Man. Google, on the other hand, has perfected the art of Artificial Intelligence. And, frankly, if I had to choose between the two, I would consider the latter as a far more intelligent design.

God is also known to be a source of comfort in times of tribulation, an ever-present refuge for the sorrowful, the helpless, and the miserable. Please don8217;t get me wrong, but Google too can on occasion perform precisely such a function. It is, besides, an indispensable aid for the clueless and the mentally challenged take it from me. While God may or may not help you, depending on divine whim, Google is always there power back-up willing to guide you through vast seas of ignorance; to get you anything, from anywhere at any time. And, yes, God8212;unlike Google8212;does not do pizza and movie ticket deliveries.

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So does God exist? Well, if it is any consolation to God, there are no less than 547,000,000 definitions of him/her that pop up when you do a Google search. But does that conclusively mean that God exists? Only Google knows!