Indo-Pak yak, yak

It gives me great pleasure to report that the deep, almost unfathomable, diplomatic ties between South Asia8217;s two largest nations are t...

It gives me great pleasure to report that the deep, almost unfathomable, diplomatic ties between South Asia8217;s two largest nations are thriving in the best traditions of subcontinental football. Here8217;s a brief history of the violently passionate, ardently animated, compulsively inflamed, cross-border diplomatic encounter.

Pakistani High Commissioner in New Delhi: Expelled by India after a militant strike in J038;K in order to teach Pakistan a lasting lesson for harbouring anti-India terrorists.

Indian High Commissioner in Islamabad: Expelled by Pakistan, after India is roundly reprimanded for conducting a malicious, entirely fabricated, smear campaign against Pakistan.

Indian Deputy High Commissioner in Islamabad: Waylaid by ISI spooks while on a shopping trip as a veiled warning to desist from anti-Pakistan activities.

Pakistani Deputy High Commissioner in New Delhi: Has a criminal charge slapped on him by the Indian police for providing money to J038;K militants.

Pakistan Deputy High Commissioner in New Delhi: Expelled, for indulging in activities incompatible with his diplomatic status.

Indian Deputy High Commissioner in Islamabad: Expelled, for indulging in activities incompatible with his diplomatic status.

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Indian Counsellor in Islamabad: Caught singing Sare Jahan Se Achha in his dining room and expelled for anti-Pakistan activity.

Pakistani Counsellor in New Delhi: Caught singing the Pakistan national anthem in his bathroom and expelled for anti-India activity.

Pakistani First Secretary in New Delhi: Discovered consuming a packet of potato chips and expelled for indulging in anti-India activity.

Indian First Secretary in Islamabad: Discovered sniffing flowers in his garden and expelled for indulging in anti-Pakistan activity.

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Indian Second Secretary in Islamabad: Seen talking to his wife and duly expelled for acting against Pakistan8217;s interests.

Pakistani Second Secretary in New Delhi: Seen whispering to his wife and duly expelled for acting against India8217;s interests.

Pakistani Third Secretary in New Delhi: Found playing with four-year-old daughter and expelled for behaviour incompatible with diplomatic status.

Indian Third Secretary in Islamabad: Found playing a game of chess with young son and expelled for behaviour incompatible with diplomatic status.

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First Alsatian Indian in Islamabad: Found chasing an ISI Pajero outside the High Commission premises, declared canine-non-grata and duly expelled for conduct incompatible with status.

First Alsatian Pakistani in New Delhi: Found barking at Delhi Police personnel outside the High Commission, declare canine-non-grata and expelled for conduct incompatible with status.

And thus did diplomatic ties between India and Pakistan get scaled down to the level at which the only traces of life that remained in their respective High Commissions were two caged parrots. The birds did their best to keep the diplomatic engagement going8230;

Pakistani parrot in New Delhi: No improvement in Pak-India relations until J038;K issue is resolved. No improvement of relations until J038;K issue is resolved. No improvement of relations until J038;K issue is resolved.

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Indian parrot in Islamabad: No improvement in Indo-Pak ties until cross-border terrorism ends, no improvement of ties until cross-border terrorism ends, no improvement of ties until cross-border terrorism ends.

Truly is it said that a diplomat is someone who is appointed to avert situations which will never happen if there were no diplomats. Truly is it also said that great diplomacy is only about parroting set lines.