In every heaven

It freaks most people out to think that the tube-bomber perhaps figured he was going to 8220;heaven8221; by killing himself and all the ...

It freaks most people out to think that the tube-bomber perhaps figured he was going to 8220;heaven8221; by killing himself and all the 8220;infidels8221; around, even fellow-Muslims. Did he consider the unfair backlash on all the good people in that community out there? But unless Muslims themselves re-programme the ummah, who can help now?

As someone from a multi-faith family one Muslim aunt, two Christian aunts, a cousin8217;s Jewish wife, a sibling brinking on Buddhism, here are my ratings on the various heavens on offer: in good spirit and only because we all need to lighten up.

So, what about Jewish heaven? Yahweh8217;s too busy with the thunderbolts, scourges and fixing Cecil B. de Mille for upstaging him. Jewish heaven is probably chairing an inter-faith meet as a Rothschild with King Abdullah of Jordan and Prince Philip, exactly like Lynne Forrester de Rothschild8217;s husband she8217;s planned a big India investment in frozen veg.

Christian heaven? Sit on a cloud in a woolly white robe, twanging a harp in the Almighty8217;s ear? Embarrassingly twee. Guess the early Christian martyrs had no time to script that bit, they were too busy being eaten by lions and nobody8217;s worked on it since.

Now speak in mullah-proof whispers: Muslim heaven? But that8217;s men only, right? All those virgins, hovering around the green silk couches. What8217;s in it for women?

All right, let8217;s hit Hindu heaven. Hey, there8217;s a big party on and everyone seems invited, yeah, Jews, Muslims, Christians, everybody, no school ties necessary Lynne8217;s invited, for sure. The Gandharva-Kinnara band8217;s playing, the apsaras are dancing, there8217;s nectar for special invitees. The catch is, you get to hang out only after your karma score is zero. So between births, you can just look in for a drink, watch ten minutes of Urvashi8217;s show while Chitragupt tots up, say hi to Shiva-Parvati on Kailash and wave at Vishnu on his waterbed.

Know anybody who8217;s come back with footage of any of these places? With so many scripts messed up, isn8217;t it time the One Real Author took a bow?