Her Story, Updated

Regrets and religion don8217;t become Kamala Surayya, even at 74

I was never a good Hindu, and I can8217;t be a good Muslim,8221; says Kamala Surayya, once Kamala Das. 8220;Under all this,8221; she fingers her purdah, 8220;it8217;s the same old me. I can8217;t be disciplined, quiet and restrained, the way a good Muslim woman ought to be. But I will die as one.8221;

That said, Kamala insists religion is too private for her to be candid about, no matter that all hell has broken loose every time she has spoken about it. The latest incident came last week, when Bangladeshi writer-in-exile Taslima Nasreen called on her and then told the media that Kamala regrets becoming a Muslim.

8220;That8217;s her own interpretation. I knew there would be trouble when she wanted to see me, but I couldn8217;t refuse8212;I am not Malayali enough to be that discourteous.8221;

Distanced by days from Nasreen and the accompanying media intrusion, the shroud of silence engulfs Kamala8217;s flat once again. It8217;s the usual state of being for the author who once courted notoriety with her steamy autobiography My Story: Kamala, 74, is immobilised as much by indifference as by a heart condition. Even a wheelchair doesn8217;t help, the building has no ramp.

BUT the fire still burns, she8217;s assertive enough to draw the line where she wants. 8220;It doesn8217;t matter any more, why talk about it? Why stir up trouble,8221; she retorts when asked why she converted to Islam at 68 and then announced her plans to marry again.

Despite the occasional accusation of stuntbaazi and media-mongering, Kamala doesn8217;t regret the scandals that pockmark her life. 8220;My Story was certainly my story. I only did it up with a few colourful blossoms to make it a commercial success,8221; she says.

Simultaneously, she was Madhavikutty, author of award-winning Malayalam novels like Narichirukal Parakumbol, Manasi, Balyakalasmaranakal, Neermathalam Pootha Kaalam and Ottavadipatha. For her English-language readers, she was the writer of Summer in Calcutta, Alphabet of the Lust, The Descendants, Old Play House and Only the Soul Knows How to Sing.

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Nominated for the Nobel prize in literature in 1984, along with Nadine Gordimer and Doris Lessing, she writes no more, except an occasional column for a close editor-friend8217;s local newspaper. 8220;I have written all that I wanted. There8217;s no more.8217;8217;

At the twilight of her life, Kamala believes she is alone and friendless. 8220;Loneliness is what the world thrusts on you. But aloneness is the beautiful growth from within, allowing the soul to travel free. I want nothing more.8221;