Right. Now hear this: to learn everything you always already knew about anything, just watch TV news. On Diwali learn to light a candle, on Christmas Eve learn to fill a stocking full of gifts by stuffing them in, on New Year’s Eve learn to keep awake till the midnight hour And thank Aaj Tak, all day yesterday, for teaching women (not just wives, as we learnt) how to fast on Karva Chauth: first, don’t eat, second don’t drink, third don’t eat. Next: when a young anchor believes he is judge, juror, prosecutor and defence attorney by turn, switching gowns and roles with every commercial break, it’s time to debar him. Nothing is more criminal than the delusion of some TV anchors some of the time, all anchors some of the time, and some anchors all of the time, that they are tele evangelists with the power to solve everything. Oh God! Makes you very, very angry. Take Mr Headlines Today, aka, the man with all reasons for all seasons. He had Srija and Shirish, the newly wed runaway bride and bridegroom from actor Chiranjeevi, at his mercy. Shirish slumped in his chair from the onslaught, Srija tottered on the brink of falling off hers. Mr HT asked Srija what she wanted from Chiranjeevi and when she replied assurances for their safety, he turned to Srija’s uncle who in different ways promised her “it’s over — come back”. Everyone watching the sequence remembered Rizwanur and thought, well, maybe it isn’t over, maybe it’s just begun. Not Mr HT — he was anchor away: aggressive, impatient of Srija’s refusal to kiss and make up with Daddy when he, the anchor was trying so hard. How much more time do you need? Do you really have the ability to make a judgment? HT took it upon himself to reassure her that nothing would happen now — you’re already in trouble, you’ve deceived your parents — when she didn’t run out of the studio to catch the next plane to papa, he added, so your happiness is more important than your family’s? Tell me what more does your family have to do? What about the reputation of your father? His superior tone was full of reproof as though her family was a victim of her marriage, not, possibly, the other way around. Even Pinky Anand, the couple’s attorney, quite a court tigress, was so stunned she subsided into her chair. Reminded you of Zee’s Gudiya Inquisition. That poor girl was ringed in on television by ulemas and her village panchayat, forced during a live broadcast by the won’t-take-no-for answer anchor, to choose between two husbands. Here Mr Smug HT declared that since Chiranjeevi’s family had provided all the right Confidence Building Measures (with anchor’s help of course), this story had a happy ending — despite Srija and Shirish and Pinky’s reservations. Very poor behaviour, very bad television. In contrast, Tehelka-Aaj Tak-Headlines Today’s sting on the Gujarat riots was spot on. Those caught on camera were scornfully boastful of their (mis)deeds; the more gruesome the crime the more boastful they became. Correspondent Ashish Khetan said they displayed “no remorse”. The crimes have been not merely been acknowledged, they have been graphically depicted on camera: you could paint pictures with the blood that dripped from those tongues (sorry for the language). This was not a sting without bite: there was no room for (mis)understanding what was said by Babu Bajrangi, Madan Dhanraj Chawal, Arvind Pandya, etc. Interesting that the sting was on Aaj Tak, instead of an English news channel. Aaj Tak made the telecast accessible to millions more and the sting enjoyed an acceptability it might not have on English ‘secular’ bleeding heart types. Unfortunately, the impact was diluted by lengthy commercial breaks — sometimes above 10 minutes. Lesson? Don’t mix underpants with murder.
