Karan Johar recalls being called ‘pansy’: ‘It used to really haunt me, I had to look more manly to fit in’

After briefly broaching the topic in the season finale of Koffee with Karan, filmmaker Karan Johar opened up about his insecurities while growing up as an ‘overweight child’ in a conversation with Twinkle Khanna on Tweak India’s The Icons, season 2. On being quizzed about men not talking about their struggles with body image on public platforms, the 50-year-old said, “I haven’t accepted it (my body). I don’t think I did even then (school days). I have a big problem with fitted clothes. Even if there is a roll that sticks out, my mind will be only on that. Even now, when I enter a pool, I look around me all the time before I enter it. It is the truth. Now, I have made it a thing to wear oversized clothes. But I cannot actually bear any tight thing — a t-shirt or a shirt; it bothers me no end. I don’t believe I have a waistline or the physique or the body and I don’t have the gumption to get there either. All I can do is zip my mouth and not eat that piece of cake. And try my best at 50 to look presentable.”

Further talking about his outlandish style, which is all about ‘bling’, the Student of the Year director said, “To overcome (lack of physique) and to overcompensate for that, is where fashion came in. That’s where the bling came in. It was like I need to do something to make me feel good about myself. All these complexes have not left me. Honestly, they didn’t do as a child and they have doubled now when you are in the era of health, fitness, and how you look is all out there on social media.”

Further recounting experiences of being called ‘pansy’, a slang word for an effeminate man, in the 1980s, Karan said: “It used to really haunt me. It wasn’t my weight to that extent but the word that made me feel like I wasn’t anywhere like the other children. It became my identity. I had to look more manly to fit in. I hope parents (today) are more understanding, like my dad and mom were. So, the sense of body and feeling of personality being called pansy were things that still haunt me. When I see it with other children, I am most compassionate to that situation because I know what I had felt at that time,” he added.

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The filmmaker further spoke about listening to others, especially the younger ones. “Relevance comes from the fact that you listen and stop talking for a while. And you listen to what people have to say. Also, listen to younger voices. There is so much that you can learn from them. Observe, listen, and watch and you will stay relevant,” he shared.

While Karan is known as the matchmaker in Bollywood, he shared that there has been “no one single, long-term relationship” that he has been in. “There have been fleeting instances where I felt there could be potential relationship. It has not fructified because I am the first one to run out always. I also feel I have really messed up in that department. I have spoken to therapists on it and it is something there in my head,” he mentioned.

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