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What AR Rahman and Saira Banu’s marriage teaches us about adjusting to change, according to a psychologist

AR Rahman and Saira Banu's relationship highlights the importance of adaptability in marriage.

Renowned music composer AR Rahman and his wife Saira Banu have announced their separation after 29 years together (Photo: Instagram/arrahman)

When AR Rahman tied the knot with Saira Banu in 1995 through an arranged marriage, the adjustment to life together wasn’t seamless.

Reflecting on their early days as a married couple, Rahman once shared on Rendezvous with Simi Garewal that his wife initially struggled with the lifestyle changes that came with being married to a global celebrity. “She is calm when she is calm. When she gets angry, she is angry,” he remarked, adding, “Initially, she used to get frustrated. I mean, not going out… generally you can’t go out for shopping.” He was asked if the marriage was a big “adjustment” for Saira and he said, “I did tell her in the beginning what kind of life she is going to lead. She was in agreement before.”

Now, with the couple announcing their separation after nearly three decades of marriage, the focus turns to the realities of navigating significant lifestyle shifts that marriage often brings — be it relocation, altered routines, or merging priorities. For those embarking on this journey, understanding how to manage such changes is key to building a strong foundation.

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Preparing for and manage the lifestyle changes that marriage often brings

Psychologist Anjali Gursahaney tells indianexpress.com, “It’s essential to establish boundaries and realistic expectations early on. Before marriage, have open and honest conversations about your shared vision for life.” Consider whether their lifestyle aligns with both your comfort levels and discuss how it might influence your privacy and daily routines. Clear communication early on helps set realistic expectations for the future.

Whether before or after the wedding, Gursahaney stresses, couples counselling can be invaluable. “It offers a space to understand each partner’s needs, address potential challenges, and find a balanced approach that works for both.”

Clear communication early on helps set realistic expectations for the future. (Source: Freepik)

She adds, “Discuss and agree on what aspects of your life you’re comfortable sharing with others and what should remain private. Establishing these boundaries ensures that both partners feel respected and secure in their personal lives. Dedicate uninterrupted time for your relationship, free from work or public demands. These private moments allow you to reconnect and nurture your bond, ensuring your partnership remains a priority.”

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