First fright: No city for young women

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There is a feeling of deja vu about these shameful incidents on the first day of the year. Even the reactions from the establishment are depressingly the same. Some years back when a journalist was killed on her way home to Vasant Kunj in New Delhi then Chief Minister Sheila Dikshit lamented her driving alone, late at night.

As if, a girl should cease her right to drive or celebrate the new year for fear of mob culture. It’s somehow worse that this happened in Bengaluru which to us in the north feels more sophisticated with its pub culture and its reputation as the tech capital of India. It is a city buzzing with women in the workforce so we could dare to hope, that precludes disgraceful events like this from happening. Alas.

My generation was spared this but teenage girls and young women going out in Delhi today, I’m reliably told, are advised never to let their drink out of sight, for fear it might get spiked with a date rape pill. The tragedy is, this is even when they’re out with their own extended friends’ circle, who also cannot be spared from suspicion.

One can only wonder what this kind of legitimate fear does to the morale of girls, and the confusion it creates for those responsible for them. As parents, do we err on the side of caution as Azmi suggests and not let our daughters wear what they want or go where they want?

It’s all very well for feminists to outrage over Azmi’s retrograde remarks on TV. But the ground realities are very different. Parents want their daughters to be safe rather than defiant poster girls for gender parity. If that means curbing a few freedoms, so be it.

We can quote the proverbial when in Rome do as the Romans do, or see it as just another example of going backwards in India, after the spree of bans from beef, to books.

This atmosphere of underlying insecurity has come to define women’s lives in India’s cities and how we live. Friends of mine don’t let their 12-year-old daughter swim in their condominium’s pool unless one of them is around and of course, a bikini is out of the question. Sleepovers, a popular teen event at birthdays when we were growing up have all but stopped for the girls, not the boys.

My son’s Maths tutor told me how he refused to take a class with a grade 6 student since she was alone at home. Women, even men have to steer clear of what could be seen as potentially sticky situations. All the same, public awareness of assaults on women has never been higher. Since the December 16 gang rape two years ago, the definition of sexual crimes has broadened and the penalties for sexual assault have become stricter.

Most importantly, there is an unprecedented amount of conversation on sexual violence. These are important steps yet sadly, women don’t feel any safer.

Do we humbly accept then, as the SP leader claimed that “partying late night is not in the Indian culture”? Maybe like Cinderella, we should rush to our cars before midnight. It is a basic right of every adult to be out when and where you want. However, take your call, knowing, and accepting, that the state is incapable of ensuring these rights.