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Journalism of Courage
Thank god the brakes have been put on the harebrained scheme that the Uttarakhand government, – and environment ministry – came up with of building a zoo in Corbett Park. (Haryana has similar plans with ‘developing’ the Aravallis into some kind of mega-zoo a la Abu Dhabi starring hippos and rhinos – which hopefully should also meet the same fate). But can you, for a moment imagine what might have happened in Corbett and then everywhere else had they been given the go-ahead?
Hmm… so okay, now we can have a zoo – we can put the tigers and leopards into ‘pinjaras’ so tourists can ogle at them to their heart’s content and so not complain that they spent four hours in a back-breaking Gypsy and saw and inhaled nothing but the dust from the 12 Gypsies in front of theirs, and demand their money back. If we can build glass partitions – as they have in so many zoos abroad like in wonderful Singapore, people can even take daring selfies with the animals without being at risk of being eaten! (At an extra charge, of course.)
And then, why stop only at that? We can have ‘petting zoos’ so children can cuddle and squeeze and pet baby animals: Chital fawns, infant elephants, baby rhinos (which already have baby faces), bear cubs, little langurs and even tiger, lion, cheetah and leopard cubs (suitably sedated, of course). Even hyena and jackal pups will have goo-goo, gaga appeal. It will bring children so much closer to nature – to feel and touch, and smell these denizens close up! Of course, some of the animal mothers might object at having their babies snatched from them, but they can always be temporarily tranquilized. For many harassed animal moms it’ll be a relief to have the pesky cubs out of their hair for a while, so they can catch up with the local gossip and chill. It really will be a win-win situation and will sensitise our ‘bachcha log’ to wildlife, which is such an important part of conservation.
Even better, as happens in so many zoos abroad again – animals and birds can be trained to perform for tourists. Magnificent raptors are taught to fly from perches to their keepers standing some distance away, to snatch the chicken’s head being offered to them – just as they do while hunting in the wild. Tigers, lions, leopards and cheetahs can be made to ‘hunt’ down carcasses (or heads of broccoli if vegans object) being dragged by high-speed pulley systems (as happens in greyhound racing) just as they would chase down prey in the jungle. And really what are the chances you can see a real live hunt happening in a real, live jungle? Now you can go on social media and toot – ‘guess what, we saw a tiger stalk, chase and take down a head of broccoli; man it was awesome!’
Licensed mongoose and snake fights can be staged – after all this does happen in the wild – and if properly choreographed and with a suitable background score is sure to attract gawping crowds. Remember the Roman arenas where wild animals were pitted against each other? And it’ll be so exciting! For instance, what happens when a tusker in musth ‘meets’ a hungry tigress with cubs? And soon, so that everyone can be instantly gratified we can organise a three-ring circus going on with a ringmaster and clowns et al! Wah! It’ll be so good for tourism!
Why stop here? Next step – build these zoos like Disneyland or Disneyworld! Have roller coaster and other dare-devil rides over the ‘pinjaras’ and enclosures swooping low over the pens to give riders screaming thrills! As we can’t permit ‘tunnels of love’ because people might actually kiss each other in the dark we can have ‘tunnels of night hunters’ – where the calls of such creatures can be played and scare the bejesus out of those who dare to pucker up. Imagine, a mechanical mugger leaping out of the water and snapping its jaws in your face a la the great white shark in ‘Jaws’ or the crocs in the Mara Mara River attacking wildebeest. It’ll instill a respect for these reptiles like nothing else! Or a rubber python with revolving-green eyes, hypnotising you and winding around your chest and squeezing, squeezing a la Kaa in Jungle Book, especially if you haven’t paid your taxes properly or have said something amiss.
Naturally, there will be Mickey Mouse and Goofy to show you around, and Donald Duck to scold and spank you when you have disobeyed rules (many will).
It’ll certainly be ‘paisa vasool’ – worth every penny. I mean what happens today when you visit a National Park or Tiger Reserve? Typically you fork out a fortune, have to wake up at an ungodly hour, perch on the edge of a very uncomfortable and non-air-conditioned Gypsy for hours, and stare unseeingly even as the guide excitedly points and urgently whispers, ‘udhar – udhar – there, there – tiger!’ And if there actually is a tiger strolling down the road ahead, you can be sure that there’ll be a cavalcade of 30 Gypsies directly in your line of sight. Some devious guards may try and show you some of the other wonders of the forest: a magnificent eagle-owl glowering over of the rim of its nest, or a tremulous chital fawn with film-starlet eyes, or a praying mantis eating her newlywed husband ji, but that’s not what you’ve come all the way down here for!
All this may seem a bit over the top – but heck, if they can seriously think of a zoo in a Tiger Reserve well, then anything’s possible!
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