Priyanka Chopra, Richard Madden’s Citadel is off the rails

As befits a show of this kind, the plot is as bare-bones as they come. Citadel is a group of top-secret spies whose mandate is to save the world. After a dastardly attack, only two key operatives are left alive: Mason Kane (Richard Madden) and Nadia Sinh (Priyanka Chopra Jonas), the former who has lost his memory (remember ‘retrograde amnesia’, the oldest, most tired trope in Bollywood B-grade movies; you almost wait for Mason to open his eyes and say ‘main kahaan hoon’), and the latter who, surprisingly, remembers everything.

Their arch enemy is another lot called Manticore, whose chief votary is the terrific Leslie Manville, having a great time spitting out cuss words and ordering hit-jobs. After coming up with those names, all imagination seems to have deserted the writing room, and we get, one after another, episodes of staggering banality: a fight sequence in a moving train, stealing a briefcase from a secure building, another fight sequence in a dusty room, a doctor shaking head at a patient lying in bed, a chase sequence on a highway.. You get the point.

As one of the good guys, Stanley Tucci tries hard but is given no edge. Madden is a clean-cut, bloodless fella, who might be good to take home to mum, but as a dangerous spy? Oh please. Jonas Chopra, making the most of an extremely swish scarlet pant-suit, gets the best lines. Sample this: Do I look like a woman who plays for minor leagues? No, she doesn’t– no one who does would have got to where she has– but this can’t be all, right? Right?

Just to check on how PC is doing going forward, I might just catch the four remaining episodes, and let y’all know.